Could I be Enough? *Thomas Jefferson Fanfic*

Ch 35.) I have to go

Over the next two months my heart was beginning to heal and Laurens was slowly being forgotten and replaced with Thomas.

A smile came to my face at the mere thought of him. He was gentle and kind. He understood how hard it wa to get over someone you loved. He was in a word...Perfect! A blush worked its way to my cheeks as I made my way down the staircase to the parlor only to find Lafayette on the ground, a bottle of whiskey in hand, tears running down his face and a letter by his side. Adrienne intercepted me in my rush to my friend.

"No! Giovanna dear, you do not want to read that letter." She said, tears clouding her vision, due to her husband's agony.

"What? Adrienne what is going on!" I demanded, my eyes skittering between the pair.

"Oh Mon Giovanna," Lafayette croaked, looking up from the letters

I rushed to his side and knelt before him, my hands on either sides of his face. His bloodshot and misty eyes. I took the letters from his shaking hands. Confusion crossing my face when I saw a letter addressed to me in the familiar messy scrawl, and one from and elegant writer.

"John?" I asked

Lafayette sobbed loudly and buried his head into my shoulder.

"No Petite Bourdon, His father," Adrienne whispered, like he was talking to a pair of skittish deer.

I gripped the letter tighter my hands now trembling. John, didn't get on with his father. What could he possibly be writing to Lafayette and I about.

"On Tuesday the 27th, my son was killed in a gunfight against British troops retreating from South Carolina. The war was already over. As you know, John dreamed of emancipating and recruiting 3000 men for the first all-black military regiment. His dream of freedom for these men died with him."

My hands shook uncontrollably, the letter falling from my grasp. Sobs began racking my chest, constricting it painfully. The sound seeming ugly even to my own ears. I felt Lafayette move to wrap his arms around me and I just shook my head and pushed away from him, and I ran off to my room. Despite my own anguish, my world seemed to freeze.

'Alexander' My brain whispered.

"Oh god." I whispered out loud and tugged my suitcase out from under the bed.

Alexander was mourning the loss of his best friend and I wasn't there for him. My baby brother was is pain and I wasn't there. Laurens was dead. I could feel my heart chipping with each coming realisation.

There Was a knock at my door and I quickly wiped my eyes and drew myself up to full height, seemingly confident but I knew I looked like I was caught in the rain.

"C-come in" I called, cursing my voice for being shaky.

"Giovanna?" Thomas' voice called.

I froze my packing when I heard his voice.

"T-Thomas," I whispered.

"Whats going on," He asked.

I felt his hands grip my upper arms.

"I have to go," I said shakily.

"Go?" He asked.

I couldn't even look at this man. The love of my life had been murdered in cold blood and I was now going to break the heart of the man I was beginning to fall in love with.

"Laurens was killed," I whispered, a new bout of tears forming.

"Oh darlin, i'm so sorry," He whispered, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug, kissing the top of my head.

I turned in his embrace and nuzzled into his chest, shivering.

"It's alright darlin, I'm here" He murmured, combing his hand through my hair.

"I have to go home," I whispered, pulling back from the hug, tears still falling.

I felt like I was being torn in two directions. Part of me wanted to go home and be with Alexander, because I knew we needed each other. The other half wanted to stay here with Lafayette and Adrienne, most importantly Thomas.

"I understand," he whispered thickly, his own eye glossing over.

"But I don't want to,"

"I don't want you to either Ma Cheri,"

I quickly reached up and tangled my hands in his hair before I pressed my lips to his. His hands instantly tightened their grip then moved my hips and squeezed.

We pulled away after a short time and he rested his forehead against my own, hufin gout a small laugh, a smile on his face.

"I find myself falling extremely hard for you Ms.Hamilton." He sighed.

"Now I really don't want to leave," I whispered.

He kissed me quickly

"But you have to. I will wait for you Giovanna." He promised.

"Write to me?" I practically begged.

"Everyday," He promised, tracing my face with his finger.

I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him before I let go and went back to my suitcase and locked it before rushing out of the bedroom, leaving Thomas standing in the doorway.

I kissed Adriennes cheek, thanking her for her hospitality before moving to Lafayette who still had tears in his eyes.

"Lafayette," I murmured.

He swept me into a tight embrace refusing to release me.

"I love you Mon Petit Bourdon, give Alexander my love," He murmured to me.

I clung to my friend tighter, not wanting this moment to end.

"I love you to My dearest Lafayette,"

"Don't forget to write." He said, pulling back and gripping my chin.

"Never," I kissed his cheek, and gripped the handle of my suitcase.

I looked over my shoulder to see Adrienne and Thomas standing side by side. Thomas' expression looking conflicting. I blew a kiss in their direction and raced out the door and down to the docks. I clutched the locket hanging on my chest and kissed it before looking up and prayed to the sky for a safe return to my family and that John Lauren was in a peaceful place.