Author Games: Golden Age

Task One: Scores & Feedback

Now it's time to get to what all of you have undoubtedly been biting your nails awaiting: the scores. But before we get to that, we'd like to clarify a few things.

We've scored each of you on a scale of 12 and then averaged our scores to give you a final score out of 12 as well. Since this is an odd numbered round, ballots do subtract points, so if you see points subtracted from your score, you've been balloted. Each ballot subtracts half a point. Formatting didn't lose you any points this time around, but we'd appreciate it if you followed those rules next time so it's easier on us.

Please note that notes were also written in order of submission, so earlier entries might have received longer notes than later ones. Additionally, entries that needed a little more help but came later may be slightly more lengthy than those where we could say little but praise.

Since all that's out of the way, let's get straight to it, yeah?

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First Entry Bonus (+0.5): For sending in their entry just a little over a week before the deadline, we'd like to give Nerrezza Diana Archeli a little token of our appreciation.

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500 BCE - Alba Minor

Score: 0

No entry received.

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250 BCE - Ishani Pemmaraju

Paella's Score: 10.5

Moon's Score: 10.5

10.5 [-1] = 9.5

Feedback: Used extension.

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80s - Bella Fiore

Paella's Score: 9

Moon's Score: 9

9 [-1] = 8

Feedback: Used extension.

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1060s - Jorrvaskr

Paella's Score: 7.5

Moon's Score: 8

7.75 = 7.75

Feedback: It was obvious that you put considerable effort into this, and we enjoyed your characterization of Jorrvaskr's loved ones. However, we have a few things you could improve upon, as well. Despite that the Norwegian phrases you included are a part of Jorrvaskr's culture, we would prefer that in the future, you stick to English consistently, as it was a little confusing when you bounced back and forth with the children and adults and cumbersome to have to look everything up in the index you provided. Beyond that, try to smoothen your transitions. Find a way to link your scenes with words instead of a page break for a smoother read. We also noticed that you did a considerable amount of telling instead of showing, such as when you described the village Jorrvaskr landed in. Instead of just saying there is a market and a mountain, have something attract your character's eyes to each important landmark. Another example is when you mentioned that "Eric is tall with long yellow hair and green eyes". Try to show that instead of simply straight out telling us- maybe Eric runs his hand through his hair, or he and Jorrvaskr meet eyes. Use all five senses to paint a true picture for the reader (you did this at some points, such as the smell of gooseberry pie, but integrate it more for better results). You can also try to include some of Jorrvaskr's reactions to these senses- does he feel nostalgic with the smell of gooseberry? Happy to be home? What are the memories Jorrvaskr associates with this smell? We'd also recommend going through and editing your writing- the number of comma splices that were scattered about detracted from the quality of your entry (if you don't know what these are, a quick internet search will do the trick!). Fixing these in the future could definitely bring up your score.