Our apologies for the delay! Both the hosts have been busy as of late, and we hope to be quicker with scores in the future. This task, we received a grand total of seven entries. We're disappointed at the number, but are thoroughly impressed by each of you who did provide an entry! Hopefully the turnout next task will improve... That being said, let's get to the scores.
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First Entry Bonus (+0.5): It's Bella Fiore who snags this extra half point this time around... will it be you next time?
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500 BCE - Alba Minor
Score: 0
Two strikes; eliminated.
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250 BCE - Ishani Pemmaraju
Paella's Score: 10
Moon's Score: 10.5
10.25 (-0.5) = 9.75
Feedback: The dream you crafted for Ishani was extremely intriguing, and your beginning hooked us immediately; your description of Ishani's pain was also commendable. However, the two entries you've provided so far didn't strike us as incredibly related- we were looking for more development of not just Ishani, but her family as well.
We were disappointed that you chose not to integrate the ballot challenge you were assigned this task, and have thus subtracted a penalty from your score.
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80s - Bella Fiore
Paella's Score: 8
Moon's Score: 8.5
8.25 [+0.5] = 8.75
Feedback: You displayed a considerable amount of creativity this task and we enjoyed your dialogue, but something you need to work on is having a balanced entry. Your entry was very concentrated on the interactions between characters, and we needed more of the other components like description, action, and emotion. Try to notice when you've got a significant number of one or two-line paragraphs at the same time. This will show you where you need to elaborate more.
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1060s - Jorrvaskr
Paella's Score: 8.5
Moon's Score: 8.5
8.5 = 8.5
Feedback: You paint a great visual picture with your words, but something we think you could strive to include is details that aren't just through sight, but have to do with the other senses (you got this later in your piece, but we're looking for it all around). Additionally, your dialogue is strong, but consider incorporating more actions in with the words. What is each person doing as they speak? How do they say their words? What facial expressions and emotions can be inferred? How do the people around react to what the person is saying? Attempting to answer these questions will help you elaborate more in your writing. Another thing we enjoyed was the creative way you addressed the device and how Jorrvaskr discovered it. We can't wait for more entries from you!
YOU ARE READING
Author Games: Golden Age
RandomThe children are ready. Their minds have been wiped blank, as have their parents' minds; they're each ready for their own new worlds, leaving this one behind. They'll travel into the past on a mission they should never know they've been sent on-to u...
