Survival of the Bands ~One Direction and Little Mix FanFic~

Chapter 11 ~ I'm Only Human

The warm and salty tears have long stopped as we all sit in the all too stale hospital. My eyes stay glued to the floor in pain. Everyone sits there, no words are exchanged. All of the boys are on edge for poor Niall. Soft footsteps echo into the room and it seems all together, we look up.  

"I have good news and bad news. Which did you want first?" He asks. My heart pounds in my chest, I swear everyone can hear it.

"Um, the bad I suppose." Liam answers. My hands start to violently shake once he nods.

"Well, the bullet got him good. It was hard to stop the bleeding. He needed a transfusion." The doctor says, looking sympathetic.  

"And the good?" Harry rushes. My breathing catches in my throat, proving me unable to breathe until he speaks.

"He's alive and well. You can all see him now." He says, a small smile on his face. We all jump to our feet and thank the doctor, walking to Niall's room. Liam is the first one in, as I stand there and let everyone else go first. Slowly and hesitantly I hear a conversation start, and know that he's awake, and happy to see everyone.

Gently, and quietly I lean against the wall and make myself as quiet as possible. My heart pounds out of guilt, and sorrow. Barely, I catch a glimpse of Niall, his stomach wrapped up in bandages. A small tear leaks down my face, and I suppress a sob. My body floods with guilt, nearly knocking me backwards and off my feet.

"Where is she? El?" Niall asks, confusion taking over his features. The first one to notice me leaning against the wall right inside the door, is Leigh-Ann. Moving out of the way, Louis grabs my wrist and drags me forward, much to my protest. Now, standing at the foot of his bed, my heart just about stops as I see everything for the first time. The bandages, the wires and tubes. Its not fair.

"Hey." He murmurs weakly. My eyes flood with tears my I look down, unable to answer. The pain of seeing him like this is killing me. It should've been me.

"Are you okay, El?" He asks, worriedly. Not looking up, I just stand there, quietly crying. My tears drip on the tacky tile floor. A gentle hand rubs my back in soothing circles.

"You okay, sweetie?" Bre murmurs. Slowly I nod, knowing I'm lying more to myself than to her.

"You don't look okay." Niall mutters. Slowly I look up, and meet his eyes. Those beautiful eyes. I shake my head, blinking back tears.

"That's because I'm not." I say, laughing without humor.

"But, its okay. I'm here, I'm alive, and they got the guys that did this. We are all going to be okay." He states gently.

"No. Not all of us will be. I wont be. I cant loose anymore people. I refuse too. And this, its too much. I cant do this." I murmur, tears freely streaming down my cheeks again, I turn on my heel and walk out of the room and to the waiting room. Collapsing into a chair, sobs rack threw my body, shaking me violently. Another piece of my heart breaks off and falls into an empty pit. I will never be okay.