Outside the Lines (lashton)

(19) +60 -100

It's the afternoon and I'm laying in bed. No reason in getting up, right? Well, I did get up to weigh myself this morning. It feels so good to be home, able to weigh myself whenever I want. When I got up I felt really dizzy, so I had a few bites of toast to try and help with that, which it did a little. I felt really guilty about eating though, so I worked out in my room. Usually I wouldn't risk doing that, since the floorboards creak from my room upstairs, but everyone's out at work.

I didn't work out too long because I felt like I was going to pass out, but I should have burned off the toast with what I did.

I hear my phone vibrate from my dresser. Mom must have come in last night and got my dirty clothes, putting my phone up there. I missed her a lot, and not just because she does my laundry.

As I answer, I notice it's nearly two. "Hello?"

"Hey, how are you? None of us have heard from you since yesterday," Michael's voice rings through the phone.

"I'm... alive," I tell him, not even trying to mask how crappy I feel to him. Why bother? He knows my biggest secret, why hide anything now?

"Would you be anything but alive?" he asks me, concern leaking into his tone.

"No, I just meant, feel like shit but here we are," I try to clarify, shocking myself at how honest I'm being with him.

"Oh, okay then. Maybe you want to hang out? Get your mind off of things?"

"I'm actually really tired, I think I'll stay home. Sorry Michael," I apologise.

"All good, just give Ash a call. He wants to talk to you."

"Will do, talk to you later man," I say, hanging up before hearing his reply and sigh. The last thing I want to do is hang out. My body is cold and tired. I'm exhausted. Before I was barely sleeping but now all I seem to do is sleep. This morning I woke up at eight, having gone to bed by at least half past five last night. I don't know what's changed but I think I prefer sleeping over being awake.

Today is a bad mental day. My body looks bigger than usual, I hate myself more, and I couldn't feel any more down. It's also a really bad physical day. I feel as if I'll pass out constantly when I move, my joints hurt when I walk, and I have a splitting headache. I should drink water.

Should. But maybe I'll just stay in bed.

~

I'm broken out of slumber by a pounding door somewhere in the house. Then it stops. I try to close my eyes again, but the pounding begins again, softer this time. Must be the front door.

I grab my comforter off the bed and wrap it around me before standing. The room immediately starts to fade and I have to take a second to regain myself, before slowly making my way down the stairs to the front door.

The knocking doesn't stop. "I'm coming!" I yell halfway down the stairs. This finally makes the knocking cease.

When I open the door, Ashton's standing in front of me. "Hey," he says to me casually, walking into the house. I grunt. What happened to being alone?

"Hi," I respond flatly.

"Something wrong?" he asks me cautiously.

I sigh, "I was sleeping, sorry."

He nods his head. "Where is everyone?"

"Mom and Dad are at work, and Ben is probably out with his friends or at work as well."

He nods his head again, the room silent as night.