Outside the Lines (lashton)

(31)

If all goes well, my treatment team says I could be discharged by the end of the week! I couldn't be more excited. Yes, I feel scared, but I can't wait to go back home. It's been two months of staying here. Olivia also got the same news, seeing as we were both admitted a day apart from each other.

In order to be discharged, three things have to happen. One, me and my treatment team need to meet and come up with what I will be doing after this inpatient stay. Two, I need to have an overnight pass home. Three, I have to weigh 65 kilograms or more.

The first has already happened. There are three levels of care, partial hospitalisation program, intensive outpatient program, and outpatient. Partial is like inpatient, but only occurs during the day. I'd get to go home for the night. They think I can handle myself more than that though, so that wasn't even considered an option. So the decision was left between intensive outpatient and outpatient. Intensive outpatient is basically like partial but much shorter, with only one supervised meal. And outpatient is seeing a therapist as many days as decided.

We talked for a while about which one would be best for me, but in the end, with my input, we decided outpatient is what would be best for me mentally. I've shown that I am capable of eating on my own enough to not be supervised - although when I get home, I will be supervised by my parents.

Now for the second requirement in order to be discharged, which is an overnight home pass. This means I'll leave early afternoon and stay overnight at my house, to be left to my own devices. This I'm nervous about. Not because I'll fail, but because I'm so use to being surrounded by others who are going through the same thing as me. But if I want to go home, I have to do this.

My parents weren't able to pick me up since both of them are working, so Ashton has offered to give me a ride home. All three of the boys are going to come over to the house per my request, as I don't want to be home alone. However, Ashton arrives at the center alone.

Upon asking where the others are, he tells me he'll pick them up along the way. I nod and grin, content to be alone with Ashton.

"I just have to check in with the nurses and we should be good to go," I tell him. I walk up to the nurses station, and explain that my ride is here. She smiles at me, wishes me good luck, and asks if I want to bring home any of my belongings that have been locked up. I say yes, happy to have access to my phone again, hoping to see a text from Marie, Steven, and Sammy. As the nurse walks me through the doors, I can't help but smile. The fresh January breeze on my face feels amazing. Sure, they have a little patio here so we can get fresh air but this is... freedom.

"You ready?" Ashton asks me, smile on his face, as he holds out his hand like he wants me to put mine in his. I happily oblige and skip to the car, feeling much healthier than I did entering the center.

It's a good feeling, not feeling like you're about to pass out. Not having headaches or aching joints all the time.

"You're excited I see," he says to me.

I grin wide, closing the car door and buckling my seatbelt. "Couldn't be more happy to finally be going home. Well, for the night," I say giddily. He starts the car and pulls out.

"May I?" I ask, reaching for the auxiliary cord in the car. "Mayday Parade and Panic both released music in October and I haven't had a chance to listen to either album," I explain.

"Knock yourself out," he tells me.

We listen through some songs on Mayday Parade's album Black Lines but it sounds too depressing, and we both agree I don't need that. Then we gives Panic! At the Disco's album Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die! a listen.