Outside the Lines (lashton)

(35)

The weeks pass slowly, the only thing making them any faster is being with Ashton. We've gone on multiple dates, and it hasn't gone unnoticed. It's even been brought up in a past phone interview.

"So Ashton," they say, "it seems you and Luke have gotten much closer together as my Twitter sources say. You've been seen to be out and about with each other more often. What's with the sudden close friendship?"

"Well, uh," he looks around to all of us, as we're all sitting in Calum's living room hanging out. We all shrug to him, lost for what to say. Then he's speaking up again, clearing his throat. "Luke here gave us a scare with his health and, I dunno, since then we've been closer than ever," he finishes off with.

What Ashton said is the most information we've given away about my situation and that, as well as our sudden close friendship, hasn't gone unnoticed either. Fans are not buying the it was just a small medical problem excuse anymore. I don't blame them to be honest, they have valid points. Such as, if it was such a small problem, why haven't I divulged any information about it in interviews when asked? If it was nothing to worry about, why had I disappeared for over two months? They find it very suspicious that I refuse to talk about what happened, because if he simply told us what happened, we'd stop wondering.

But it's not up to them to decide if they know or not, it's up to me. And their battering questions on Twitter has made me stop logging on. I only go on to tweet occasionally, then immediately close the app. I can't stand all the questions.

But the praise, the praise is even worse. They'll congratulate me on looking healthier, and for beating whatever I went through. It's awful. First of all, healthier means fatter. I can't stand to listen to someone when they tell me I look healthier. It's something I'm working on in therapy right now, to not equate healthy to fat. Second of all, what I went through isn't over. It's a day to day struggle, and although it's gotten much easier to handle, it's definitely not gone away.

Aside from dates and phone interviews, nothing much else has gone on. Except for today. Ashton, Michael, Calum and I are all currently in our own respective living rooms at home with our parents, having a Skype conference with our managers.

"Luke, how has your treatment been going?" one of them asks me.

"Treatment has been going well. As of yesterday my BMI is 18.3, so that's good," I say cringing inwardly. Today isn't the best day mentally, so moving towards a healthy weight isn't completely desirable right now.

"That's good to hear, I'm glad things are getting better for you Luke," one of our managers say.

"Thanks Lily," I respond. She nods in response.

"What we've wanted to talk about involves all of the band, but mostly Luke," another manager, George, says. "Do you remember how we had planned on moving you guys to Los Angeles for a couple months in order to start recording the next album and promoting the current album?" We all nod our heads. "Well, we'd like to put that idea back on the table."

I look over to my parents, who have heard everything since my laptop is on speaker. They look worried.

"May I?" my mom says, asking if she can join the call. I nod my head, and she walks into frame of the video, sitting next to me on the couch. She clears her voice before speaking.

"With all due respect, I don't think you understand how rough of a time Luke is going through," she says.

"Mom," I groan, but she continues to speak.

"I mean, it's only been three weeks since he has been released from the treatment center that he was in for two months. He's nearly at a healthy weight, but just barely. He could easily dip under again and fall into old habits."