When?

4. "I just don't like you that way, Judith."

We both walked around the house, like ghosts, unseen, unfelt, unheard. I didn’t dare meet her accusing eyes, and she never allowed herself to come anywhere near me. I tidied her living room, made her bed for her, made coffee, breakfast, and started on dinner as well, while she mostly laid on the couch, either with her eyes closed to avoid communicating with me, or staring into space. During our 10 years of friendship, I never longed for her touch as much as I did then, yet, I had never felt more undeserving of it. She didn’t speak a single word, not until I announced that I was heading home, now that she was supposedly doing better.

“ Are we fighting or something? I just want to know where we stand.” She whispered, and I had a feeling that she wished it would have gone unnoticed by me, but it didn’t.

“ Well, I – I, uhm, I’m not mad at you or anything, is that’s what you’re asking.” I hesitantly replied, turning to face her, my eyes never leaving the interesting pattern of her carpet.

“ You shut me down.” She stated. I could feel her gaze burning holes through me, as I fought against the suffocating lump in my throat.

“ No, no, I didn’t, that- that wasn’t what happened-“

“ I wasn’t that drunk, Harry. I tried kissing you and you pulled away. You stood outside my door and listened to me throwing my guts out and you didn’t even flinch. You, Harry, shut me down.” Her words were bitter, ruthless, painful to us both.

“ You were drunk, Judith, I couldn’t have used you like that. We’re friends, and I – I couldn’t risk that.”

“ Bullshit.” She firmly said, as if she had never been more certain of anything more than the fact that I was indeed, bullshitting her. Panic was dawning on me, and I had to manner my torn up mind before it had given me in.

“ I don’t think we should be discussing this when we’re both this stressed out, Judith, I should just head home and-“ Before I could finish my sentence, I was imprisoned by her intimidating figure, as she pinned me to the wall. As if on cue, my heart began racing, my hands began sweating, and my entire body felt as if it was boneless. Her sudden closeness always had that effect on me.

“ I know you well enough to know when you’re lying to me, Harry, and right now, you are. I just want to know one thing, am I not good enough for you too? Do you think you’re better than me? Like you deserve more or something?” Her voice held such lust, such despair, as if she craved for my love. Which was ironic, since she had it, every single bit of love I had to offer was consumed by this hopeless, destructive young lady ahead of me. And she had no way of knowing, because I was in no way confessing. Not now at least. It wasn’t the right time. Sometimes I think, it may never be.

“ I just don’t like you that way, Judith.” As I forced those words out of my petrified mouth, I felt physically ill, it took everything in me to say just that. Her head fell in what seemed like disappointment, as she finally pulled away, freeing me in more ways than one.

“ You can go now, Harry. I’m fine on my own.” She spoke as she walked back to the couch, retrieving the remote to flip channels.

“Jude,” I said, with a sigh, only for her to louden the volume, telling me that she no longer wanted to listen to anything I had to say. I took a few more minutes to fully take her in, every detail that I had utterly fallen for, every feature that I now know by heart, the face that I always see in my dreams. With a defeated sigh, and a wave goodbye, I walked out of the house, closing the door behind me. I heard a distant, screamed “fuck”, before the sound of objects crashing to the ground overtook my quiet surroundings, which I was thankful for, because my thoughts were praying on me, and they were louder than anything I had ever heard.

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A/N: Over 50 reads woop, thank you guys so much, ily, and if you read this and like it, please comment and I'll dedicate the next chapter to you!