When?

26. "This isn't your fault, man."

A/N: Probably the worst chapter I've ever written, but yeah, I'm sorry. I hope you still enjoy this, and help me get to 1000 reads before I finish this story please! ily x

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Harry

“ No, no, no, no, shit, hurry up, Louis.” I yelled in sheer panic, watching as Judith’s responses decreased to a minimal. Occasionally, she’d sob, struggling to catch her breath, and I knew that even in her unconscious state, she was still haunted by the face that caused her more damage than most. And I couldn’t protect her. I wasn’t there through the darkness that was now her home, I couldn’t push all thoughts away, and kiss her till she could no longer remember anything but how my lips felt against hers. I wasn’t there to remind her that I would always protect her, only, that would have been a lie, because I let him hurt her again. She was fighting for her own life, and I was helpless, unable to strengthen her stamina, nor give her another reason to fight.

“ Alright, alright, alright.” Louis yelled back, fear lacing his tone, as he drove fast towards the nearest hospital. Zayn was sitting in the passenger’s seat, while I was in the backseat, with Judith’s bloody figure in my arms. My hand was drowned in her blood, so was my shirt, a constant reminder of the damage that I couldn’t prevent, that I couldn’t erase from her memory. She was forever scarred, and in so many ways, so was I.

“ Please, please, don’t leave me. I love you, Judith. Fuck, I love you so much, please don’t go. I’m sorry, I fucked up. Don’t leave me. You’re fucking strong, and you’ll wake up, and everything will be alright, because I can’t do this without my best friend, alright? I – I can’t do any of this shit without you, Judith. Please, come back, so that I can marry you, and spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy, please.” I whispered into her ears, running my hand through her tangled hair. I had absurdly hoped that her body would response to me the way it always did, even if her mind wasn’t functioning properly. I hoped she’d feel me, but she must have been mad at me. I failed her. I couldn’t protect her. As soon as we reached our destination, Zayn helped me properly hold Judith, as we ran into the hospital.

“ Doctor, please, somebody help her!” I screamed, my eyes searching the surroundings, for anyone who’d aid her. A doctor and a nurse came rushing our way, rolling a stretcher towards us.

“ What happened?” The doctor asked, scanning her almost unrecognizable figure.

“ We found her in an alley, we didn’t see what exactly happened, but she was barely conscious when we got there, then she just- she slipped away.” Zayn explained, while my eyes remained mesmerized on the inhuman scenery in front of me. All thoughts were paralyzed, all words were silenced, and she wasn’t there to reassure me that everything would be okay. She wasn’t there to make a joke about it all. She wasn’t there and I didn’t know what to do with myself.

“ Alright, you need to stay here, and we’ll let you know what happens.” With that, the doctor took her away, into an ER room. I felt a foreign arm laying on my shoulder, giving me a slight squeeze.

“ Lets sit down, Harry.” Louis’ drained voice filled my ears, as he guided me towards the waiting area.

“ I was heading to the house, and then I heard screaming. I didn’t know who it was until I found him, pinning her to the wall, and she was bleeding out. I don’t think she even recognized it was me, she collapsed as soon as he let fall. All she said, was Harry, that was it.” I could hear Zayn’s distant voice speaking to Louis, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to hear of her suffering. I didn’t want to know how I wasn’t there when she was calling for me. I didn’t want to know that it might have been too late, because if I had allowed myself to dwell over any of it, then I would have collapsed, right then, and there. The helplessness was devouring pieces of my soul, along with my sanity, as the picture of her deformed figure haunted me. The sound of someone clearing their throat, as well as Louis’ and Zayn’s sudden movements, flinched me back to life.

“ Doctor, how is she?”

“ She has a concussion, I’m afraid, along with a broken nose, and bruises scattered all over her body. It could have been worse, though. She is currently asleep, but if the next 24 hours safely passed by, then she should be fine.”

“ What do you mean safely? Wh- what could happen?” Louis asked the question I had dreaded most, causing a sigh to escape the doctor’s lips.

“ With injuries related to the brain, comas are always a possibility.”

“ No, no, no, God, please, no. I have to see her, she can’t leave me, she can’t.” I paced the floor, pulling at my hair. I could have sworn I was losing it.

“ Harry, she isn’t going anywhere. We just have to get through the night.” Louis’ voice filled my ears, as his arms held onto my shoulders. But no touch was bearable, no sound was audible, I only wanted her.

“ I have to see her. I need to talk to her, Louis, she needs to know I’m here. I – God, why did I let her go to that fucking supermarket? Why didn’t I go with her? I – why is this happening now that I finally have her?” My eyes searched Louis’ confused face for any answer that would seem remotely reasonable, and maybe then, the fire within me would be extinguished.

“ She’s still here, Harry, she didn’t go anywhere.”

“ No, this isn’t her. She is lost in her own world, and I can’t get in there and help her, nor can I bring her back to me. This is fucking insane, Louis, she was just in my arms hours ago, she was smiling, and laughing, and she- she was fine. How is she laying in there now? How did I let it get this bad?” And I remembered the sound of her laughter filling my senses, her smile captivating me the way it always did. Her eyes were sparkling and her entire presence radiated joy.

“ This isn’t your fault, man. This isn’t anyone’s fault, except Todd’s.” I’d kill him. I swore to God, I would kill him for what he had done to her.  

“ I looked for mum's ring, Louis. I was going to fucking propose.” And it crashed over me like a tsunami, I might never get the chance of proposing to her. I might never see her in a beautiful, white dress. I might never go house haunting with her. I might never grow old with her. I might never get the chance to fix her. And the realization on its own, wrecked me.