When?

16. "No, Judith, not this time."

A/N: Heyo, this story is coming to an end pretty soon, and I really want to get 300 reads before I have to update again, so help me? And don't forget to tell me what you think, ily x

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Harry

I kept Louis and the boys out, after they had carried Judith into the bathroom. I needed to clean her up. I needed to fix her. And no one was allowed to see her in that state. I wetted a cloth, putting it over her fresh cuts, removing the layer of dust mixed with clotted blood. She was in a state of surrender, where she didn’t resist my motion, but she didn’t aid it either. I delicately took off her ripped clothes, before running the warm water in the shower. I carried her in, then I shampooed her entire body, and hair. I was too drained to look at her curves, too worn out to take in her beautiful figure, as I covered her with a towel, drying her body. I then brushed her hair, put one of my clean shirts over her head, before bandaging her wounds. It took bits and pieces of me, every time I had to lift her arm for her, every time I put a bandage over her cuts and she wouldn’t even flinch, almost as if she had adjusted herself to the pain. I headed to the door, ready to allow the boys to carry her up to her room, but then an unfamiliar touch froze me in my spot. I tilted my head backwards to examine her features, her eyes were drowning in tears, her mouth was agape, as if she was attempting to form any words of consolation.

“ Not right now, Judith. Not yet.” And I pulled my arm away, walking out of the bathroom.

“ Take her upstairs to my room.” I almost begged Louis, who instantly obliged, helping Judith up to the room, with the help of Liam. As soon as she was out of sight, I closed my eyes shut, imprisoning the approaching tears, as I shook my head in denial.

“ She didn’t want this to happen, you know.” That was Zayn’s british accent filling my ears.

“ I’ve seen them together, she didn’t want that, she didn’t want him. She was crying as she kissed him, Harry. She despised every single moment of it, I could tell.” I didn’t need to hear that. I didn’t need to know that he had forced her into it because then the rage would settle in and I couldn’t handle it right now. I had no power left in me to tame it. So instead, I nodded, laying my exhausted body onto the couch. Zayn closely followed.

“ I know this is none of my business, but this girl needs help. I know how hard it can get and how lost someone can be, and she’s just- just help her, alright? Don’t give up on her.” And I hated how hurt he sounded because no one had the right to dwell over Judith’s brokenness except for me, yet, I adjusted my gaze to meet his hazel eyes which highly resembled Judith’s.

“ What if she’s given up on me? What if, it’s best for her, if I just let go?” I wasn’t quite sure Zayn had the answer to that question, but I couldn’t help but confide in him.

“ Well, she wouldn’t have been here right now, would she?” That made sense. Through all the questions and missing puzzle pieces jamming my head, his answer actually made sense. I nodded, flashing a smile of appreciation, as he rested his hand on my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

They all gave me those looks, of apology, of sorrow, of regret, and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but all I had to offer was a few nods, accompanied with a forced smile.

“ Are you sure you want to do this?” Louis had asked, as I stood in front of my room’s door.

“ I need to see her. I need to talk to her.” Was all the answer I had to offer. He nodded understandingly.

“ I’ll be right here if you need anything.” He reassured me, before opening the door for me. I took a single step in, before shutting the door behind me, postponing the confrontation for as long as I possibly could.

“ Harry,” She choked out, and I could have sworn, my heart broke in my chest, right then and there, knocking life right out of me. I couldn’t take it. Her voice, it was too much.

“ I am sorry.” And then she was crying. Except I didn’t want her to cry, I didn’t want her to apologize. I wanted to be mad at her. For once, I wanted to let the rage out before it took yet another piece of my sanity.

“ No, Judith, not this time.” I turned to face her, as wrecked as never before, yet sadly beautiful.

“ Tell me what happened. I want to know everything.”

“ I don’t want to talk about it, Harry.”

“ I don’t care.” I could tell that she was as taken back by my answer as I was, but I wasn’t backing out now.

“ Now, Judith.” I demanded, sitting on the chair next to the bed, my eyes firmly locking with hers.

“ Okay. I went to the bar to meet Todd, because I needed drugs. I was going crazy without it for a whole day, and once Louis left my house, I needed it more than ever. So, Todd called Tina, and she got us some cocaine.” Even though she was confessing the ugly truth, she was quite composed.

“ I took two syringes, I guess, then I don’t know how many shots, and I – I was wasted, Harry, and that was when I called you. I didn’t know why, but I needed to hear your voice or I – I was afraid I would overdose and just end it all.” I didn’t know how broken a heart had to be for it to stop beating, but I had a feeling, I was so close to dying all together. She stopped, contemplating my state of mind.

“ Then.” I urged, closing my eyes shut.

“ And then your voice sobered me up, and I didn’t want that. I couldn’t take that, so I hung up with you, and went for more. I honestly don’t know how much cocaine I had consumed, or how many drinks I had, but then I started kissing Todd. It wasn’t because I loved him, or because I wanted to feel him, but because his hands on me, pained me, Harry, and God knows that pain was much easier to take than the pain my heart had been causing me.” I shook my head, because with my eyes closed, this didn’t sound remotely like Judith.

“ He then took me to the aisle, and my body was completely paralyzed, but he- he deepened the kisses, and began taking off my clothes, and I didn’t want that. I tried to push him away, but he was too strong, and I was too intoxicated, so he tore my clothes, beat me up, and in the middle of it all, the only thought I had in mind, was you. You made all of this bearable, and that was when I called you again. I didn’t want this to happen, Harry. I hated myself when he touched me. I hated him for doing this to me. And I – I didn’t know what to do with myself. I still don’t. I feel him everywhere. I smell him, on my skin. And I hate it. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I know I never should have brought you into this. I’m sorry because I kept pushing you away for years and years. I’m sorry for being the way I am. I –“

“ That’s enough. I don’t want to hear anymore.” I forced myself off the chair, walking away from Judith.

“ No, Harry, please, don’t leave. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen-“

“ But it did, Judith. It fucking happened, and I had to watch it all. So no, sorry won’t cut it this time. I – I don’t know how to fix this. I – I don’t know what to do. And I just- I need to get as far away from you as possible. I’m sorry.” With that, I opened the door, walked out of my room, past the boys, and out of that suffocating house. Her sobs were audible, just like that day, when it all came crashing down.