Edge of Pathos (Book 4 of The Conjurors Series)

Chapter 37

Valerie whispered her full name as she returned home, and her body relaxed, relieved to be in its natural form. As she got closer, she saw someone practicing basic blocks and punches in the shadowy twilight.

As she approached to see who it was, Thai's hand touched her shoulder.

"Emin's been out there all day practicing the moves I showed him. He's determined to get it perfect. Reminds me of you."

Valerie couldn't think of a better compliment, and she almost leaned back so that her head rested on Thai's chest. But she couldn't let herself keep slipping into Thai's arms. It was too selfish.

"I missed you today," he whispered in her ear, and she couldn't stop herself from blushing. "Where were you? With Chisisi and Skye?"

Valerie tensed, knowing that telling Thai the truth would turn into a fight.

Thai surprised her by chuckling in her ear. "Don't tell me. I can feel how rigid you are, and I'm guessing you were doing something more dangerous than you should have been. Tell me you weren't confronting Reaper."

If it was possible, Valerie went even stiffer, and Thai turned her to face him. All of his laughter was gone now.

"Why? If you don't care for your own life, do you at least care what it would do to me, Henry, Emin, and Cyrus if you got yourself killed?"

"Thai, I'm fine. I took a risk, I'll admit, by not bringing support, but I knew I'd attract less attention if I went by myself. I couldn't live with myself if someone got hurt because of my decision when I was capable of executing this mission by myself."

"You may not be committing suicide, like Henry, but there is a part of you that thinks you don't deserve to live, to be happy. Every time I think you've changed, that you see how precious you are, you prove me wrong."

"I wouldn't—"

"How can I forgive you for putting the life of the person I love the most in the universe in unnecessary danger over and over again?"

"I'm sorry," Valerie said, but Thai was already striding away from her.

He didn't understand. Her life had less value every time she used her vivicus power. Some mornings after she saved someone, she struggled to tie her shoes. She wouldn't be whole for long. Maybe it was better if she died in the war, rather than torturing everyone by slowly dissolving afterward.

Valerie was empty, and she sagged where she stood, tempted to curl up right at the base of the tree she was resting against.

Her gaze turned back to Emin, who was still practicing, even though only the stars provided any light for him now. His focus and intensity took her out of her own mind, and she walked toward him.

"I think you're ready for your next lesson," she said.

Emin ran up to her, and she could see how sweaty he was in the starlight. "I was waiting till we were back in Silva, at the Guild of the Knights of Light, to start, but then I decided that with you here to train me, I could start now. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's okay," she replied, pushing his hair off his forehead. "But what's your rush? Is it because you're worried that you'll have to fight the Fractus?"

The thought of Emin being afraid made her wish that she could wrap him up in her arms, but he surprised her by shaking his head.

"No, I'm not afraid. But seeing you leading the Fist makes me sure that I want to be a Knight. I'm going to be strong and help everyone, like you."