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» chapter song: feelings are fatal by mxmtoon

"You're going to be a psychopath when you grow up!"

"Hey! Don't mess around with him! You might end up dead tomorrow."

"You're going to kill people when you grow up, won't you?"

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" I scream, placing my hands on my head, hoping it would help shake off the random voices in my head.

I've been hearing those voices ever since I started getting bullied for having a personality disorder at the age of 12. At first I was diagnosed with conduct disorder, but as I grew older and out of my teen years, I have been diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder.

The word came out around school that I had conduct disorder, even my friends' parents would know that I have conduct disorder. They also know how it tends to evolve into antisocial personality disorder.

Everyone told everyone about me. Being so scared that I could kill them. I'd remember back in high school, I dated some girl for five months. It was our fifth month together, so I decided to buy her flowers and give it to her in the school corridor that day. Turns out, she knew about my disorder. She dumped me right in front of the school, making other students know about my disorder, leaving me so humiliated it infuriated me.

At that time, a switch inside of me was turned on. I was so filled up with anger and I was so bored too. I made the really bad decision of killing her. Yes, I killed her.

I remember that night like it were yesterday.

"Am I a monster?" I glared down upon my bloody hands. My jaw hung low, while looking back at my dead girlfriend.

"Am I the psychopath they wanted me to be? I-I don't even know-" I cried to myself, tears rolling down my cheeks as my blood stained hands cup my face.

"I'm so sorry, Jieun," I say, before tucking her inside a body bag.

Ever since that happened, I begged my parents to make me move to another school. I also told them about the murder— they never looked so frightened looking at their own son.

I always moved schools when everyone starts teasing me about my disorder. I was also diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder. I felt so helpless with myself, I've gone as far as shooting myself but my sister caught me at the right time.

And up until now, I'm still depressed. But at that one day, two years ago on a chilly September. I saw someone so mesmerizing and beautiful. Her short brown hair, her round eyes and her small face. I could go on and on, she just caught my eye.

I discovered that her university was near mine, and luckily I had a friend who happened to know her. I stalked her online, real life— anything to be honest just to know more about her.

I've known about her bullies, it made me so furious. How could someone hurt someone so beautiful and so lovable? The thought just roamed around my head. Until I finally had the chance to see them.

I didn't even regret a single thing when I sliced their throats, broke their necks. Not even a single feeling of remorse hit my chest. I don't give any fucks. I was wearing gloves as I was killing them, of course I don't care if I get arrested, but at least make me spend some time with Yoonhye.