Love Rush (LarssonSiblingSeries#4)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Tilly

4 years ago...

I search the medicine cupboards for anything that will take the pain away. Codeine. Ibuprofen. Paracetamol. I don't care as long as the buzzing in my head and aching bones goes away.

I can sense someone standing at the bathroom door, said someone being my boyfriend, Dylan. He won't like me taking the meds, but he doesn't understand. I need them. I won't be able to get through the day without them. I won't last an hour.

"Babe, put the packets back."

"No," I growl, throwing the empty packets on to the floor. "Where the hell did you put them?"

Dylan steps into the room, approaching me with gentle movement. "The doctor said no more."

I'm slowly losing control. "The doctors a bitch. Where did you put them?"

The echo of my voice bounces around the room. "Tell me now!"

"It's not good for the baby. You know that it's not. Why are you doing this, Tilly?"

I don't mean the words I'm about to say. My mind not my own. "I couldn't care less about this baby. I need the tablets."

Dylan looks as if he's about to cry. "You don't fucking mean that. Tell me you're sorry."

I scratch my arm, the bite of pain helping me in some messed up way. "If you're not going to tell me then I'm going out to buy something from a shop or the streets. I don't care."

Dylan's arms span the length of the doorway. "You're not going anywhere."

The side of my bump brushes across the bathroom sink when I start to search through the draw underneath there, finding only spare toothbrushes, toothpaste, shampoo and other bits of junk.

My anxiety is through the roof.

"For goodness sake," I close my eyes and start to scream, tears following it. "I need something. My body aches for it."

Dylan comes to sit with me on the floor, securing his arms around my body, rocking me from side to side. "I'm doing this for your own good. Our baby needs you to stop taking the meds. It's going to cause her so many problems if you don't. Please, babe. Please."

I bury my face in his neck, hands shaking when I place my fingers over my swollen stomach. "Everything was okay until she came along."

"You don't mean it. It's the withdrawal talking," he replies and it's the truth.

Our baby is my entire world.

I'm scared that I won't be able to cope when she's here.

I can barely look after myself let alone a defenceless baby.

Dylan tells me that he'll help, and I believe him.

Dylan's my rock.

I whisper. "Just one tablet. It's all I need. I ache so bad. It's everywhere."

"The doctor said no more. It's killing you."

I stare down at my thin, bony legs and wonder how my body is able to grow our girl. I don't eat. Unless it's something I can swallow with liquid or roll up into a cigarette.

I'm disgusting.

"I'm tired, Dyl. I need sleep."

The side of my cheek hums with warmth the moment he strokes the skin. "Do you want me to run you a bath? I'm sure Mum will let you use one of her fancy bath bombs."