Grieving Hearts [Completed]

44-complicated.

Onika's pov.....

I was holding tight on Jacob's shirt and crying for last half an hour, for what? I have no idea and he was just patting my back soothingly with one hand and his other hand was wrapped around my head plastering me to his chest. He didn't say anything, but just the way he was holding me spoke it all.

I can feel a bubble of peace surrounding my heart after an eternity. I feel alive like I have some existence of my own. It was all bottled up in me for how long I don't even remember it feels so good to finally let everything out.

Finally I gathered myself and pulled away from Jacob, his hands a bit reluctant to let go off me.

I looked him into the eyes, purposely avoiding the view of his bruised jaw, once again because of me. Though that didn't stop the pang of guilt stabbing at me in the gut.

"I..I...am..sorry for landing both of us into this situation, I should have been more careful knowing it's Agustin I am dealing with. You must be thinking how stupid of me to pull the stunt I just did" I asked him a bit apologiticaly, after all whether he admits it or not, he had put equal effort in the plan as much as I have.

He just looked at me as if not able to comprehend the language I was speaking in, his eyes screaming at me 'have you lost it.'

"I don't know how your brain works, but for me what you had done have just compelled me to think, that's the Onika I fell in lov...I..I mean..I am proud of more than I can ever express in words. Fighting for your own self respect is something I can never consider stupid, damn the consequence. Standing up for yourself is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself, nothing else matters."

Lord in heaven, Is this man for real? I wonder how long will it take for him to finally realise, I am not worth the trouble.

I deliberately let his slip of tongue go unnoticed. It's his decision when he wants to confess. I am rather afraid to face that inevitable day. I don't know what my decision will be, when he finally confess his feelings for me. I am afraid of loosing everything. But I know I have to keep myself prepared for that, the more you run away from something, the faster it will get at you.

Things are so complicated, he is Agustin's childhood best friend. I just feel like even if I simply think of any future with Jacob, I will be betraying Agustin at some level, even though I know, I don't owe Agustin anything and there is nothing left between us to betray, it still doesn't feel right.

It will be like taking everything away from him at once, both Jacob and me, and not just that, the pain of seeing us both together, his own wife and best friend, I don't know whether I have in me to do that to Agustin or not, no matter what he did to me.

If I had lost everything, then so had Agustin, but at least I have Alex with me, Agustin has no one. I don't want to snatch his only friend away.

Even the thought of it churn my heart in dismay. Why does it has to be like this.

I can't help but think what would have been the scenario if Jacob would have confessed his feeling for me before I fell for Agustin. If only it would have been the case....

How just one wrong decision can ruin your life.

Jacob's was not acting on his feelings on the right time, untill it was too late.

Mine was giving Agustin the way to enter my heart, and leave me ruined in the wake of it.

Agustin's was not trusting me even after the beautiful relationship we build together.

If only anyone of us wouldn't have done the mistake we did, things would  have been different. Our lifes would have been different.

Life. That reminds me of John.