Lift // Hamliza

• chapter 10 •

• Eliza •

I was still in a daze from Alex showing up. I can't believe I freaked out in front of him and cried about my mom with him. But I'm willing to let him help me.

He began to pick up the paper plates of food and toss them into a trash bag, along with my empty tissue boxes. It was embarrassing how he had to clean up my depression mess.

I shook the thoughts of that aside. I refused to acknowledge the fact that it was possible I had depression. It was like this before but I faked happiness. It was harder now. But I refused to let thoughts of having a severe depression disorder get to me. Or attempted to.

I pulled a pair of grey leggings out of my closet with a long sleeved black shirt. I also grabbed a dark red knitted scarf I got for Christmas from Angelica last year. I walked to the bathroom and turned the shower on.

After I let the water heat up I climbed into the shower, letting the water wash over me and erase my old makeup. I scrubbed at my skin with my favorite body wash- my moms favorite body wash. I smelled the gel, weird as it sounds, but I did it. My eyes started to tear up as I thought of her. I stopped myself though. I kept myself from losing it.

After I finished my long shower, that reminded me all too much of Mom, I stepped out and got dressed after drying off.

I sighed as I looked at my arms before pulling my sleeves down all the way. It's a good thing it's getting cold out and my dance outfits are usually long sleeved. I sort of ruined my arms over the past week and previous. New and older lines and scars littered my wrists and arms. I pulled the sleeves down and put on the scarf, than brushed my hair and pulled it up into a messy bun.

I decided not to wear makeup because I just didn't care anymore. And I didn't want to extra work of having to take it off.

For a little while, I just sat there. Perched on the counter of my bathroom, swinging my socked feet like a little kid. What had happened to me? How did I go from the bright, happy, bubbly girl I was to this, well, mess?

Hopping off the counter, I walked into my room where the lights were on and the curtains were open. The food and tissues and trash bags were gone and it looked nice. A lavender candle was burning on my desk and Alexander was waiting in my desk chair on his phone.

He looked up when he heard me come in and smiled.

"Ready?" He asked, and I nodded. He handed me my glasses and I slid them on, looking at the floor.

We walked out to his car, avoiding Angelica and Peggy as well as their questioning on the way.

"So, where do you wanna go? I remember Angie telling me once that you guys go to Taco Bell a lot?" I nodded.

"Taco Bells fine." I said quietly. The whole rest of the car ride was like that. A sort of uncomfortable quietness. I didn't want to talk and I knew Alexander didn't really know what to say. We got to Taco Bell and he parked in front.

Once we had both ordered we went to a small table. I looked down again, only looking up when I felt Alexander grab my hand. I blushed a little and looked at him with a confused glance.

"I'm here for you Eliza. Whenever you need me. We can talk about whatever you want, ok?" He said genuinely.

"Thank you Alexander. Um, my sisters really weren't close with my mom so it's not as bad for them. We were really close when she was around and I just don't know what to do anymore." I said, rubbing at my right arm as I spoke.

"I get it. My brother James wasn't close to our mom when she passed either, but my mom and I were so close. It was just as hard for me." He said. Wait, he has a brother? I feel bad now that I didn't know this.

"Order for Alex and Eliza?" A worker called and we walked over to get our food. As soon as I smelled the food my stomach began to growl. I hadn't eaten at all in at least three days and it was starting to get to me.

I attacked my food and soon enough we were heading out of Taco Bell and driving home. Alex still had his hand rested on mine. And I wasn't protesting.

"Do you wanna talk or anything?" He asked, glancing at me.

"Actually, ah, I was wondering. Did you ever, uh, do anything after your mom died? Like, um, hurt yourself and maybe it wasn't an accident?" There. It was out there.

No turning back now.