Lift // Hamliza

• chapter 32 •

• Eliza •

Alexander seemed really happy with my family. We all sat together at the table after a while of catching up, and we were able to eat. Alex was currently waiting with my little cousins at their separate table, trying to keep them from going insane while they waited for their food.

"Is Eliza your girlfriend?" I hear William, age 6 ask Alex. I smiled as I moved through the kitchen, helping people get food and make my own plate.

"Yeah, she is. Doesn't she look so pretty today?" He said quietly to Will, making him giggle and nod his head. I blushed a bit, turning around to smile at Alex, catching him wink at me just before I turned back. I shook my head and laughed at what he considered his "flirtiness".

At last, everyone had their plates and Alex bud a short farewell to the kids table to come sit with everyone else. Even though we were across the room from the kids, the little ones cling to him and begged him to stay, but weren't too torn up about it once they received their plates of food.

"You did so good on this Eliza." He said, bumping my shoulder as we ate, seated next to each other. I smiled at him.

"I couldn't have done it without you. I hope it's a good first Thanksgiving." I said, kissing his cheek and blushing. The whole table seemed to quiet down once this happened, then of course...

"Oooh! Eliza you've got a good one."
"Awww, they're so cute together!"
"Young love. Gotta say, it's adorable."
"YES ELIZA GET SOME!"

The last comment was clearly Peggy's.

I just blushed harder, turning to Alex and shoving my face in his chest.

"Aw, it's ok babe." He laughed, stroking my hair as my face stayed pink.

"Thanks a lot guys." I fake rolled my eyes at my family, everyone slowly calming down as they began to eat again.

"So, Alex, where are you from?" My Uncle asked. Alexander and I made brief eye contact, a slight bit of anxiety in his eyes. I squeezed his hand under the table as a reassurance and he quickly regained himself to answer my Uncle.

"Uh, I'm actually from the Caribbean. An island called Nevis." He said quickly, wanting to move on from the topic which my uncle clearly didn't really see was bothering him.

"Oh, that must've been very nice. Why'd your family move here?" My uncle questioned. Oh God. This can't last much longer. I could feel Alexanders hand gripping mine tightly, making me realize I had to step in.

"I'm so sorry, can I excuse myself and Alex for a moment? I need to talk to him in private for a minute." I said quickly. My uncle looked confused but nodded as I thanked him and rushed away from the table and into the studio wing, pulling Alex behind me.

As soon as we were far enough out of range to not be seen or heard, I pulled him into a tight hug, kissing his cheek and rubbing his back as I did so. He sighed deeply into my shoulder, trying to force himself out of his past.

The thing about Alex, if you ask him too much about his past or ask certain questions, he'll get into a panicked and flashback - like state. A lot of times it ends in a breakdown, either during the questioning or as soon as it's over.

"I'm sorry this happens every time someone asks me." He muttered. I moved away from him, releasing the hug.

"No! Don't say that. Your past was worse than a lot of people's. You have all the rights to struggle with it. And I know the PTSD hurts a lot but we'll get through it, ok? I love you." I said, rubbing his hand. He nodded, forcing a smile onto his face.

"You know what? You're right. I'm going to overcome it, or try to. I, I mean, I'll probably get worse than this later but I'll get through it for today. I'm going to go back in there and answer him." I smiled at him, showing that I was proud. But honestly, I was scared. He knows he doesn't have to do this and he knows if he does he's going to have a panic attack later. But he's so stubborn, so there's no point in taking him out of it.

I nodded, asking him if he was ready to go back. He breathed in deeply and nodded in response and we went back.

"Everything good?" My Uncle asked, to which we both confirmed yes, not explaining what happened. The questioning restarted and Alex got through it, occasionally looking away or taking a sip of his water to try to buy time, but he got through it.

"Wow. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. But, I'm happy you came here. You seem great for our Eliza." My Uncle said, smiling and wrapping up the conversation. Alex thanked him and agreed that he was happy to be here with me. I smiled at him and kissed his cheek, quickly whispering,

"You did great." He smiled a forced smile, his eyes still sad and lost, but made himself smile anyways.

After a few more hours with my family, they departed and it was just Alex and I again, alone in the family room on the couch.

"Hey, are you good?" I asked as he leaned his head on my shoulder.

"Not really but it's fine. Don't worry." He said, waving his hand tiredly.

"I'm going to worry, Alex. You can tell me what's happening, I already know." I said, twisting my hair between my fingers, a random tick of mine.

"It's just all the questions. I mean, I knew it was bound to happen at some point and I knew I'd get like this. I just, wanted to get through it for once. But I just- I can't." His voice cracked on his last sentence as his eyes filled with tears. He exhaled through his mouth, lips pursed in an attempt to calm himself down and keep the tears from falling. He pulled his hands through his hair and tried to take deep breaths.

I felt so terrible when he got like this. A really good day would go by and then something would happen and he'd panic and get upset and I couldn't help him. It was almost always something he could only get through alone.

I rubbed his shoulder gently, letting him calm himself down, knowing I'd overwhelm him if I started talking too soon.

Eventually he fell asleep. This almost always happened, he'd get upset and then use all his energy being anxious and then crash. It was a painful cycle that I hated having to watch him go through.

"Goodnight Alexander. I love you." I said quietly, tossing a blanket over him and myself on the couch.

And I could've sworn, just before I layed my head against his shoulder, he muttered a goodnight back.