Lift // Hamliza

• chapter 51 •

• Alexander •

Three days after the call from Eliza about Thomas and James, I decide to forgive my third person. Except this one is a little bit different.

I press the nurse-call button on my bed remote and a nurse runs in, out of breath.

"What's wrong, Mr Hamilton?" She panted, leaning against the door.

"I need to go somewhere today. Is there anyway someone can take me there or I can leave and come back?" I asked. She frowned for a moment in thought and then replied.

"I suppose we could get a nurse to take you somewhere. How long do you think you'll be gone, and where are you going?" She answered.

"Probably an hour, most likely less than that. I need to go to Trinity Church." I said.

"Alright. I'll find a nurse to take you there, but you're going to need to go in a wheelchair, ok? We don't want to cause any issues especially since you've started chemo and it's going to get really difficult soon." She said, starting to retreat back to the hallway in search of a nurse to take me on my little trip. I nodded and thanked her, and waited for the next few minutes while she found someone to take me.

I ended up with Nurse Vanessa, someone who I've had before to take my vitals and such. She helped me into the wheelchair and then loaded me into the hospital car and drove me to Trinity Church, letting me sit alone at the grave I wanted to let my request, while she went to look around the more historical part of the cemetery.

I wheeled up to the grave and put my hand on the cold stone, closing my eyes for a moment. I ran my fingers over the engraved letters on the headstone. Aaron Burr.

"Hi, Aaron. I know it's been a long time since I've come to talk to you, but now seems like a good time, huh?" I said, laughing humorlessly as I spoke. I paused for a moment and took a breath, then spoke again.

"I might be coming to see you sooner than you want me to. I know you're watching over me so you probably already know I have cancer and that I probably won't survive." I said, my voice catching slightly at the end.

"I came here because I wanted to forgive you. Actually, I really have nothing to forgive you for, so I'm sort of forgiving myself. It should've been me who died that night, not you. You should still be here, laughing with Theo at lunch and telling me to smile more. I miss you so much, Aaron. You were my best friend and when you died I blamed myself. But you know that already, because I know you're watching," I mumbled, feeling my hands shake and my memory turn back to that night.

- September 14th, 2016 -

"Cmon, Aaron, we never go out! This party is supposed to be great, and there won't be a lot of alcohol or anything so we'll be fine. Let's have fun!" I said, jumping around in an attempt to convince my best friend to go to this party. We were both 15 at the time and I had been invited to a party that evening, which I wanted him to attend with me.

"You know what, fine! But only this once, ok? And I'm making sure that you're responsible because you're way too smart to mess up your future at one party. But let's get going, we don't want to be late." He laughed, finally giving in. I grinned widely and texted John, my boyfriend at the time, that we would meet him there.

Four hours later, at almost 11:30 pm, Aaron decided he needed to head home so I decided to go with him, knowing that he was the only one who was actually responsible.

We walked together down the dark streets of New York, talking and laughing as we went over the events we'd both witnessed at the party.

Suddenly, a man in dark clothing sprinted out of an alley with three other men behind him and came up behind us, with two people holding guns to both my head and Aaron's.

Feeling panic fill me, I looked at Aaron who's eyes barely hid his fear.

"Give us all your money or we'll shoot you both!" The one in front yelled, his gun still pressed against Aaron's head. We both fumbled with shaking hands trying to get our wallets out, shoving the little money we had towards the men. The man win his gun against my head moved it away, but Aaron's didn't. He made the mistake of trying to push the man away and suddenly, a loud noise echoed through the space and the men ran away.

Aaron crumpled to the ground as his chest bled heavily, a bullet lodged in it. I screamed and started dialing 911, feeling his trembling hands pulling on my jacket. I pulled him onto my lap and began to cry, panicking while he was unnaturally calm.

"Alexander, I'm going to die." He mumbled. I shook my head, sobbing.

"No, no, Aaron, please don't say that please- you won't die, you need to stay alive, please!" I cried, pausing to speak into the phone and give the 911 dispatchers the information of where we were.

"Yes, I am. I can feel it. But please, Alex, you're my best friend, don't mourn. I love you like a brother and I don't want to see you cry over me. Please, just..." he muttered, his voice becoming more strained and quiet as he reached the end.

"No! Aaron, what will I do without you? What if I relapse again or, I don't know. Please, I need you, you're my best friend and you can't die! Please, please, Aaron, please!" I said, tearing dripping off my face and onto my shirt. He gave me a soft smile and suddenly went limp, just as the ambulance came into view at the end of the street.

I couldn't tell whether or not the screams and wails came from me or the ambulance sirens.

"I still miss you, every day. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you and the way you left and the funeral... and I still blame myself. You said not to, but I do. Well, I did. Before I die or go through hell and back, whichever happens, I'm forgiving myself. That's what you would want me to do if you were here and that's what I'd want you to do if we had swapped places that night." I said at last, years pouring down my face. I didn't move to wipe them away.

Putting my head against the cool stone, I looked at the quote engraved below his name.

I am the one thing in life I can control. I am inimitable, I am an original.

a/n: this is the first time ive ever cried writing a chapter. sorry for the angst, next chapter will probably be fluff