The Back Of My Head

Chapter 23 - I Can't Lose My Brother

ANDY’S POV

I walked out of the doctor’s office feeling physically sick. I finally did what Bradie and Shaun wanted me to. I chatted to the doctor about my options. Apparently I have glioblastoma multiforme, which is the most deadly of all the cancers. It’s so spread out like a tree’s branches; you can’t just take it out without destroying the brain. It’s that bad and I can’t even pronounce it! The doctor told me that the survival rate is zero, so I figured to not go with treatment. He tried to persuade me to at least think about some of the treatments, but I thought what’s the point in dishing out all that money? I’m just going to die anyway.

I plan on telling my family and friends really soon though, I mean who knows? I could drop off the perch in a week’s time. He said it’d be within the next two months. Meaning it’d be before or in March, the month we planned on releasing our third album. I wonder what’s gonna happen with the band now. Will Bradie and Shaun just find a replacement or give up? I wouldn’t hold anything against them if they did want to replace me. I was just the bassist. I barely did any work, Shaun and Bradie wrote the music. I just did what I was told.

Tears started falling down my pale face as I started the engine of my car. Now I had to go home and tell my step-brother the bad news. I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand; I just have to pretend I’m okay with it.

BRADIE’S POV

I paced around the house frantically. I woke up an hour ago finding a note from Andy on my door saying that he was going to see a doctor today. God, I wish he had’ve woken me up and let me come. I hate the thought of him alone getting all this information thrown in his face and not knowing what to do with it.

I started walking back to my room when I heard the front door open and close quietly. I sprinted to the door to find Andy standing there silently staring at me. He looked horrible, skin clammy, eyes bloodshot like he hadn’t slept in a week. I slowly stepped towards him.

“Andy?” I said trying to get his attention, “how’d it go?”

“Good,” he answered with no emotion and began walking towards his room.

He looked like a zombie. I was afraid to interact with him.

I followed him to his room and found him on his bed, I sat beside him.

“What did the doctor say?” I asked concerned.

He just sat there silently, his head slumped forward. I was getting pretty annoyed that I wasn’t getting answers. But, I can’t force it out in his fragile state.

“Andy, just please tell me what they said,” I pleaded with him lifting his head up and his eyes met mine, I could tell he was broken inside. Those eyes were windows to his soul and they just spoke ‘I’m dead’.

“I have gl…gliob,” I could tell he had trouble pronouncing it.

“It doesn’t matter about the name, okay,” I assured him.

“I’m gonna die within two months,” he said under his breath.

“What?” I questioned not sure if I had heard him right.

“I’m gonna die within two months,” he repeated a little more loudly.

I started to hear my heart beat in my ears and my throat felt like I had swallowed a massive pill. Did I hear him right?

“Wha…what about treatment?” I asked.

“The survival rate is zero, so,” he didn’t need to finish, I knew what he meant. There really isn’t much point in getting treated when you’re going to die anyway.

“I can’t lose you,” I said getting teary eyed.

“Bradie, it’ll be okay,” he said calmly.

“How?” I questioned getting angry, “you’re gonna die and nothing can be done about it!”

I instantly felt bad when I saw his face. I shouldn’t be shouting at him, it’s not his fault. Stupid fucking cancer can go get AIDS for all I care.

“I’m sorry,” I apologised, “I’m just…”

“I know,” he cut me off.

“How can you not be upset and cry about this?” I asked him wiping tears from my face.

“What do you think I did as soon as I found out?” he replied.

I embraced him tightly, not ever wanting to let go.

“I love you,” he mumbled into my shoulder.

“I love you too,” I murmured into his ear.

I can’t lose my brother, I just can’t…