The Back Of My Head

Chapter 26 - I Can't Handle It Anymore

SHAUN’S POV

We had just finished taking the shelves down in the now empty room, I unusually felt kinda macho just from using tools. Bradie had left to take a shower and I was getting ready to head off seeing as it was nearly eleven pm.

“Shaun, wait,” Andy stopped me in my tracks, “sit down here for a sec, I need to talk to you seriously.”

My heart sank hearing the ‘seriously’ part, but I sat beside him on the dirty floor leaning against the wall.

“What is it?” I asked not really sure whether I wanted to know or not.

“I need you to take care of Bradie,” he answered.

“Take care of Bradie?” I asked confused, “what do you mean?”

“Just…” he looked like he wasn’t sure how to explain it, “be like an older brother to him. Protect him and stuff. I know he’s a grown man, but still, I need you to be that person he can go to about anything and not be judged, especially when he comes out to everyone else or some guy’s a bastard to him.”

In my head I was thinking that I already do at least half of that stuff. But, there’s probably stuff he’s only gone to Andy for that I don’t know about.

“You know I will, man,” I replied sadness welling up inside.

“Thank you,” he smiled, “Sorry I’ll never get to meet your kid.”

“Hey, we’re not there yet, you’re a tough old bastard,” I tried to joke despite being on the verge of tears.

Andy half smiled. He knew I was hurting and tried not to make it worse.

“You’re gonna be a wicked dad,” he went on.

“I don’t see how,” I replied, “I don’t know anything about babies.”

“You should babysit Ash one time,” he suggested, “for practice.”

“Yeah, you think your mum and Gerald would go for that?” I asked a bit sarcastically.

“Definitely, they’re desperate for sleep,” he answered.

“Wait, babies cry for shit during the night?” I questioned surprised.

“Yes,” Andy laughed, “wow, you really don’t know anything about babies.”

“Shut up,” I punched him in the shoulder.

“No, seriously, babysit Ash for a night, you need practice,” he urged.

“Yeah, okay,” I smiled, “I’ll see how Brooke feels about it first.”

“Sweet,” he yawned, “you going now? I need to head off to bed.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I waved him off heading for my car.

BRADIE’S POV

It was two am and I was sitting in the corner on the floor of the now empty band room. Everyone had gone to bed hours ago, I on the other hand couldn’t sleep. I pulled one of Andy’s basses that he had given me onto my lap. It was his Thunderbird he had gotten for his twenty-first from Shaun and I. I plucked at its strings, memories of Andy playing it over the years flooding into my mind. Before I knew it tears were pouring down my face. I couldn’t help it. Every thought of him just hurt like a knife driven through my heart. I wonder how I’ll be when he’s actually gone. Life won’t even be worth living. What about Chris and Ash? Ash probably won’t even remember him and Chris will be so confused as to where he’s gone.

Suddenly I heard footsteps coming closer, it better not be Andy. My thoughts were answered when I saw dad in the doorway.

“Wow, when did you do this?” he asked looking around the room, that’s right, he hadn’t seen it yet.

“Andy, Shaun and I did it today,” I answered keeping my head down so he wouldn’t see my tear stained face.

“Bradie, are you alright?” he asked, he must’ve sensed sadness in my voice.

“Fine,” I replied keeping my head down.

I swallowed hard; I was on that verge of bursting out in tears.

“Is it this coming out thing? Has someone said something nasty to you?” he questioned obviously worried about me.

“No!” I burst out in tears, I knew that was coming.

“Then what is it? Please tell me,” dad begged sitting beside me.

“I can’t!” I cried harder clutching onto the bass in my hands.

He lifted my head up and I finally looked at him.

“You can tell me anything,” he assured me looking into my teary eyes.

“Andy’s in trouble!” I burst out and wrapped my arms around him.

“Andy?” he questioned, “why? What’s he done?”

“I can’t tell you!” I cried into his shoulder even harder.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me,” he stated.

My dad sure was stubborn…