sunshine • jihope

12.

Slowly but surely, over the next few months, Hoseok's memories came back. Exactly four months after the accident, and everything was almost normal.

Jimin still woke up sobbing in the middle of the night, waking Hoseok with him. His nightmares primairily consisted of horrifying replays of the crash, but Hoseok died, everytime. He would wake up screaming, tears streaming down his face.

Nights when he was with Hoseok ended with him being held by his boyfriend, who whispered calmly in his ear. The odd time he was alone left him sobbing in his bed, praying for the sun to rise.

He couldn't eat, not without feeling an insurmountable guilt and making himself throw it back up later.

The PTSD Hoseok experienced lessened with time, although his anxiety made it difficult for him to ride in cars. Every now and then the world around him would become too overwhelming and would result in a panic attack.

But they were getting better.

The two sat at the pizza place, their friends laughter all around them, melting with their own. Hoseok's arm rested comfortingly around Jimin's waist.

The waiter came to their table, a tall man with dimples and dark hair, and took out his notepad and smiled at the table. His gaze stopped in Jimin and his smile turned into a smirk. "Hi, my name is Josh and I'll be your server today. What would you like?" He asked, his focus entirely on Jimin, who's cheeks turned pink.

Hoseok frowned and pulled Jimin closer. "We'd like two large pepperoni pizzas, please," Jin said, sensing the tension. Josh scribbled it down and looked back at Jimin. "Is there anything else?"

Hoseok knew he was asking about more than pizza. "N-no, thanks," Jimin stuttered uncomfortably. The boy winked and walked away and Jimin huddled closer to Hoseok.

"You okay, Hoseok?" Jungkook asked teasingly. "I thought you were gonna hit him, man."

Hoseok smirked bitterly. "I didn't like the way he was looking at Jimin."

Jimin smiled and kissed his boyfriends cheek. "I like when you get all protective, Hobi. It's really hot."

Hoseok grinned while Taehyung made a face of absolute disgust. "Keep it in your pants, Jimin!" He joked.

Jimin rolled his eyes. "You and Kookie are so much worse, you hypocritical bitch."

Jungkook laughed loudly and recieved a death glare from his boyfriend. "I mean, he's not lying, Tae We aren't much better."

"Fucking sinners, all of you," Jin said, pretending to flick water at them. Jimin raised his arms at the bullshit he was hearing.

"Seokjin! You were literally talking about fucking Namjoon the other day! Shut the hell up, if anyone's a sinner, it's you," Jimin laughed. Jin giggled and hid his face in his hands as Namjoon groaned.

"I'm literally the most innocent out of all of us, that's really sad," Namjoon smiled.

"Hi my name is Yoongi and I don't ever talk about fucking anyone? Ever?" Yoongi said.

"Heterosexuality doesn't count, Yoongi," Tae declared. Yoongi put hid hand on his heart. "I'm bisexual, bitch!"

"You've never dated a guy, bitch!" Jungkook replied through his laughter. He didn't mean any of it, just playful teasing.

"It's not my fault the girls I go out with don't have penises!" Yoongi practically shouted, causing the people at other tables to stare at him.

The entire table bursted out in laughter. Jimin laughed until tears began tumbling down his cheeks and he hid his head in Hoseok's shoulder.

Once everyone was calm and Jimin had wiped his eyes, their pizzas arrived. Josh continued to gaze flirtily at Jimin until Hoseok draped his arm over his boyfriend's shoulder, pulling the shorter man closer. He looked up at the waiter smugly and smirked as he walked away quickly.

"Damn, Hoseok," Yoongi exclaimed. "That was the smoothest 'back-the-fuck-up' I've ever seen."

Hoseok shrugged. "Just protecting what's mine."

"I always knew Jimin was a bottom," Jungkook blurted. Jimin's face turned bright red as the others laughed. He smiled shyly as he picked up the smallest slice of pizza, praying the conversation would change.

Eventually it did, and the others dug in as well.
----
That Night

"I love you so much, Jimin," Hoseok murmured. "More than anyone had ever loved anyone else."

Jimin lay asleep, his head tucked under Hoseok's chin and his warm body pressed up against his boyfriends. Hoseok admired Jimin's flawless face, his plump lips and soft cheeks and gentle features. The older gently stroked Jimin's hips with his thumb, smiling delicately.

It was hard for Hoseok to imagine life without Jimin, even though he'd lived almost 23 years before meeting him. When he said Hoseok's name it felt like all the stars collided and when their lips touched it was nothing else existed. The person that was Park Jimin made Hoseok's heart pound, made his mind wild and his emotions go into overdrive. He felt as though he would never be able to tell Jimin just how much he loved him, and that scared him, because he deserved to know how much he was needed in this world.

He wanted to love Jimin better. He wanted to be fluent in his body language and to know all his scars and memorize his curves. He wanted to know his midnight thoughts and what he dreamed about and why he sometimes cried when Hoseok told him how much he was loved. Hoseok wanted every broken part of Jimin, every scar and nightmare and every smile and every dream. He wanted Jimin entirely and unconditionally, and he swore to love every bit of it.

Hoseok wondered if Jimin wanted to love him that much too. He pondered the idea of Jimin loving him forever and his cheeks warmed; that was the life he wanted. He wanted to wake up with their legs tangled together in their bed, in their apartment, with their scars as distant reminders of the times they weren't okay.

Their lives were conjoined since the day they met. Hoseok couldn't go back to a life without Jimin, because his life wasn't his own anymore. Maybe it should scare him, maybe he should hate it, but he couldn't. If giving up his heart was the sacrifice to have Jimin for the rest of his life, he wouldn't give it a second thought.

*****
SO MUCH FLUFF IN THIS ONE BUT IM LIVING FOR IT