sunshine • jihope

15.

"Do you believe in fate?" Jimin asked, playing contentedly with Hoseok's fingers.

"I mean, I found you, so I have to believe in it to a certain extent. We are literal soulmates, science might not be able to explain why yet, but it's true. So I have to believe that we were fated to meet, otherwise what would the point be?" Hoseok replied. Jimin smiled.

"Do you think you'll love me for the rest of your life?" The younger man asked with genuine curiosity.

The corners of Hoseok's lips turned up in a sweet but sad smile. "I plan on loving you for much longer."

Jimin pressed his lips to Hoseok's fingers, gently kissing them. Hoseok sighed lightly, pecking the top of Jimin's head. "You're the greatest. I love you."

"I love you too, Jiminie."

With their legs tangled together in Hoseok's bedroom, he almost forgot about his appointment, until Jimin was snoring softly against his chest. He cautiously slid out and scribbled a little note on the back of a random piece of paper, saying he had to go pick up some cheese for dinner. Which wasn't a complete lie, he was all out. It just wasn't the whole truth.

Anxieties bubbled in his stomach as he sat quietly in the taxi, too timid to make conversation. It smelled like leather and too much cologne, which really wasn't helping the headache he felt coming. The man dropped him off at outside the hospital and he paid his fees before hopping out and practically speed-walking inside.

Hoseok had always hated the smell of the hospital; it reminded him of all the trips he had to make as a child with his mother, when they were still trying to diagnose her. He shoved the thought of her away and refocused on the magazine he was reading.

"Jung Hoseok," the lady in the lobby said tiredly. He raised his left arm and stood, following her into the room.

The white walls, cupboards, and silver chairs gave the room a cold, mean feel that made Hoseok anxious. Obviously, he knew they weren't going to hurt him or anything, but the nagging thought in the back of his mind that something could be wrong made his heart race.

A few weeks back he'd gone in, complaining about an intense pain he'd been experiencing daily in his head, not to mention the fairly large amount of weight he'd lost in two weeks. They'd taken a few tests, a couple x-rays, and told him to come in in exactly two weeks. Well, today was that day.

The doctor entered the room, a tall man with a scruffy brown beard and dark hair. Hoseok took a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever news the doctor was bearing.

But that still didn't prevent his heart from dropping when the doctor spoke.
---

He entered his apartment, cheese in hand, and called out for Jimin. "Are you awake?"

His boyfriend came out from the bedroom, his messy hair sticking up in all directions, and stretched his arms out with a yawn. "Where were you?" He asked, taking the cheese and putting it in the counter.

"I had to go pick up some cheese for dinner. I left a note for you," Hoseok said. Jimin shrugged and rubbed his eyes, pulling out his cell phone. Hoseok watched him silently, a bittersweet ache in his heart. Jimin looked so beautiful, and he had so much life to live. For a moment, he thought about telling him about the hospital, but something held him back. Hoseok's issues shouldn't have to bring Jimin down.

So he didn't mention it. He made up his mind, right there in the kitchen: he wasn't going to tell Jimin. He was going to continue with their normal life and not spend however long he had left with Jimin worrying about him and him cooped up in his apartment. He was going to live the rest of his time, no matter how short, to the fullest.

"You okay?" Jimin asked, pulling Hoseok back to reality. He nodded. "Just thinking."

"'Bout what?"

"Us."

Jimin smiled. "Good things?"

Hoseok nodded, leaning against the counter. "Of course." Jimin went back to scrolling through his phone quietly, and Hoseok lost himself in his thoughts.

How long exactly did he have left with Jimin? Not long enough, although no amount of time could be. But a lot less than expected. At most a few years. At least. . . Hoseok didn't want to think about it. He knew he could always go through with the surgery, but there was no for sure way to be rid of it. It could always come back, perhaps somewhere more vital the next time, maybe less curable.

But he had to consider Jimin, his soulmate, who would lose all colour if Hoseok died. He knew how much Jimin feared going back to black and white; you could see it in his eyes whenever they looked at b&w pictures. It gave him anxiety, and Hoseok knew it. Two sides of him were conflicting against each other, two promises: one, that he would never hurt Jimin; and two, that he would live his life how he wanted to. How was he supposed to just give up when it meant hurting the man he loved like that?

Hoseok turned around and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He gazed into the mirror for any sign that something was wrong, but he found nothing. He felt like the world had fallen on his shoulders as he breathed in deeply, chewing his lower lip. Maybe it was the blazing fear in his stomach, or maybe it was his indecision, or his guilt for keeping it secret- he didn't know.

Time wasn't something he had enough of. He wanted more. He wanted to grow old and have little grandbabies running around. He wanted to propose and give Jimin the wedding he deserved, one that wasn't rushed out if fear that Hoseok could die that day. He wanted to wake up next to Jimin in their house, in their bed. But there wasn't enough time in the world.

And if he's being honest, he's terrified.

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it's okay hobi, i wrote this fic and i am too to be honest💗