sunshine • jihope

14.

just a sad lil filler before shit goes down:)
*****

Blades of grass pricked his feet as he stood up and jogged over to Hoseok, who's eyes were locked on a nearby building. The older boys phone was pressed against his ear and he stood frozen.

Jimin rested his hand on his boyfriend's shoulder and looked at him curiously. "Love you too, Dad," he said quietly, hanging up the phone and tucking it in his pocket.

"What happened?" Jimin asked softly, resting his head on Hoseok's shoulder and scanning his face. Hoseok kept his eyes on the ground and chewed on his lower lip. "Hobi? What's wrong?"

"Dad called. Mum, uh, she died last night," he said, his voice breaking. Jimin's face dropped. "W-what happened?"

"Her heart just. . ." Hoseok couldn't speak anymore. Small tears leaked from his eyes and he sunk to the ground, covering his face with his hands and sobbing into them. Jimin lowered down to Hoseok's level and rubbed his back. Hoseok's hands trembled as he stood, disclosing just how fragile his current state was.

The Gwangju native couldn't bring himself to meet Jimin's anxious eyes, not when he was aware that he got upset when Hoseok was. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Jimin, so he sniffled and wiped his eyes, turning his lean body towards the man he loved.

Jimin marched forwards and wrapped his arms entirely around Hoseok, acting as a barrier between him and the outside world. Hoseok sunk into Jimin's protective hold. He was taller than Jimin but in this moment he felt small and vulnerable and anguished. His partner's warmth was solace for him, and even though the utter agony in his heart was still in existence and acute, he knew in the back of his head that, at least, he was safe.

"Let's get you home, I'll make you some food, okay?" Jimin suggested in an undertone, his full lips pressing against the side of Hoseok's head.

They walked slowly and Jimin kept a close eye on Hoseok, who's large hand was interlocked in his. Every now and again he would glance over, and everytime Hoseok was looking at a different patch of ground. He desperately wanted Hoseok to look him in the eyes and let Jimin in and let him help, but the chances of that happening were highly unlikely.

Hoseok kept things bottled up and smiled because everyone needed him. He was their smiling virus, their angel, and he put so much pressure on himself to live up to the name.

How did Jimin know this?

Because he's held Hoseok at 2 a.m. as he sobbed into his shoulder about everything that hurts. Because Hoseok is two entirely different people during the day versus at night. Jimin has been there through Hoseok's breakdowns and his panic attacks and his midnight thoughts; he knew Hoseok inside and out.

Hoseok unlocked his apartment door and the two entered quietly. "I'll make some popcorn for you," Jimin said as Hoseok made his way to the couch. Hoseok nodded and curled up on the couch, his arms around his legs and his eyes peering out the window. He wished for his mother's hug, one last time. He wanted to hear her laugh at his jokes and her cheers when he danced just one more time.

He regretted not spending more time with her. He should've been there with her. Tears pricked his eyes, and this time he fought them away. His mother wouldn't want him to cry, she hated when he cried. But the bitterness he felt towards the world for taking her away was overwhelming. He wanted to hit something, he wanted to break something, but he knew deep down that wouldn't help. It would just make a bigger mess for him to clean up.

Jimin walked over and placed the bowl of popcorn on the table in front of him. He stood next to it, watching Hoseok carefully and crossing his arms.

Jimin wanted to cry when Hoseok looked up at him, his buttery brown eyes full of tears and ever so broken. He unfolded his arms and Hoseok stood up. Jimin pulled him into his embrace, holding him tightly.

Jimin didn't know it, but he was holding Hoseok together. All Hoseok's pieces were being kept in place by one soul who loved him enough to try, by one body that would never know just how important and loved he is. Jimin was Hoseok's bandaid, his light in the dark, and him just being there was a relief.

Hoseok inhaled, doing everything he could to calm himself down. He was hyper aware of everything going on but he couldn't bring himself to take note of it; it was all just there. Jimin's fingers running up and down his spine soothingly was equally as noticeable as the woman's laughter from upstairs. His own heartbeat was as loud as Jimin's rhythmic breathing and the cars honking in the streets below.

Hoseok thoughts consisted of how much he longed for more time with his mother and how unjust losing her was. Why didn't she get more time? Why did whatever controlled death decide to take her away so soon, just when things were getting better?

He inhaled and exhaled unevenly, the lump in his throat too large to keep his breathing steady. Jimin sensed a change and stopped running his fingers along his spine. Instead, he tapped thrice on the left side of Hoseok's back, then drew three lines with his fingers.

"That means I love you. My parents taught me it. To me, though, it's more than just 'I love you.' To me it means I'll love you no matter what. And I will, Hobi. I promise."

Hoseok let out the tears he'd been so strongly holding back. It felt good to cry, to let it out. It felt like he had been wearing clothes that were too tight and now he was in loose pyjamas. Jimin silently swayed back and forth, rocking Hoseok as if he were a small child. He felt like one, that's for sure. "I can't believe she's gone."