sunshine • jihope

19.

This is the chapter that makes me the most emotional. I cried twice, once while writing it and once after finishing the whole story and rereading. You've been warned.
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Time was almost up for Hoseok. You could see it in his eyes. In his scattered, uneven breathing, and in the way he told Jimin he loves him. He was saying goodbye, everytime, just in case it was.

The toll it was taking on Jimin was almost equally as obvious. He wasn't eating. He spent nearly every hour he could in the hospital, by Hoseok's side, and when he wasn't there he made sure one of the other boys was. The lack of sleep made itself known in the dark shadows under Jimin's eyes, which had grown sad and dull. His bones poked out a little more, and his hugs were sharp, but everyone assumed it was stress.

Everyone said Hoseok was going to be okay, maybe to try and convince Jimin that it would be alright, or maybe because they genuinely believed it. What he didn't tell anyone, what he refused to tell anyone, was that he knew Hoseok didn't have much time left. How did he know?

Hoseok's favourite blue sweater was the most bitter shade of grey.

It was like the world was dying along with him, the colour, the life seeping out of it week by week. As Hoseok's hand grew colder, so did Jimin's world.

Seokjin and Namjoon were the first people Jimin would call when he had to go to work. Calm souls that wouldn't tire Hoseok out or make him anxious. If neither of them were available, he would ask Taehyung or even Ashley. Jungkook, if he was absolutely desperate.

He couldn't bring himself to call Yoongi, who went on radio, day by day, alone. Who was losing not only his friend and coworker, but his best friend, right along with Hoseok. The one time Jimin had asked for him, Min Yoongi, the boy who hadn't cried since his father's death, burst into tears entering the hospital room.

Hoseok's father and sister were in town as well. They only left when Jimin did, and most days, when Jimin got back, they were there. He wished he had gotten to meet them in a happier time, when the link between them wasn't dying.

"I love you, Jiminie," Hoseok murmured, looking over at Jimin tiredly. Jimin smiled at him softly, stroking his hand with his thumb.

"Are you okay? Do you need more pain pills?" He asked.

Hoseok shook his head and closed his eyes.

"Dawon," Hoseok mumbled after a minute of complete silence. His sister walked over and knelt beside the bed. "Turn your fucking music down when I'm sleeping."

His sister and father burst out in laughter and Jimin couldn't help but crack a smile. Only Hoseok would snip at his older sister about her music while lying in a hospital bed. His heart ached, as if it were telling him to save Hoseok. To do anything and everything he possibly could to keep Hoseok alive. He wished he could, he wished he could take all the hurt and pain and anxiety away.

But there's nothing he could do.

"How're you feeling, love?" Hoseok asked Jimin, sitting up and wincing as he did so. The doctors, Jimin, and all his friends had told him numerous times that he shouldn't do that, but Hoseok was stubborn as all hell.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Jimin retorted, a little rougher than intended.

"No. We all know that I'm dying, it's not something you need to ask about anymore," Hoseok said, all hope completely wiped from his voice. Possibly one of the most heartbreaking parts of the whole ordeal was that Hoseok, who always had faith and believed, had given up. He knew he was going to die, and that made it all the more real for Jimin.