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| SEOUL / 14:11 |
SO WHAT DO I DO NOW? / I DON'T KEEP LOVE AROUND
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THEIR FIRST DATE WAS AT A CAFÉ.
a small coffeeshop tucked away into the corner of a seoul street. it was cliché, but taehyung loved clichés, especially when they involved a certain cute boy named hoseok. every time they arranged to meet after that, it was at that same café, universe, because hoseok's apartment was directly above it.
from the moment taehyung met him, hoseok fitted luhan's description almost perfectly. a cheerful ray of sunshine of a boy, who smiled at taehyung the second he saw him, always polite and happy. taehyung didn't know what he was feeling at first; it had been a long time since he'd felt love, a long since he'd fallen in love with anyone since changkyun's death when he was sixteen, but maybe he was falling again.
hoseok's apartment was welcoming, walls painted a warm shade of yellow, surfaces cluttered in a way that seemed characteristically hoseok. taehyung and his boyfriend— was that the title hoseok had? perhaps it was— sat on the beige sofa, one of hoseok's favourite movies playing on the laptop in front of them, korean subtitles helping the boys guide themselves through the breakfast club. taehyung's fingers played with hoseok's messy honey hair, and the older boy practically purred at the contact.
a wad of emotion and affection for hoseok had nestled it's way into taehyung's heart, and that was bad. taehyung didn't do love, he didn't do relationships, he couldn't. he would end up hurt, and so would hoseok, and he loved— no, not loved—liked hoseok too much to let that happen. when he got attached to changkyun, when they started dating, it was all happy, but then changkyun's parents found out and he was sent away and he killed himself and everything was ruined. and it was taehyung's fault.
"hoseok-hyung?" taehyung said, the boy's name rolling off his tongue like smooth caramel. the older boy looked up at him, a questioning look on his face as he hummed a response. "i just remembered i have dentist's appointment in, like, ten minutes, so i'm gonna have to go, darling, i'm sorry."
lies, all of it was lies, because that was what kim taehyung did. he lied and lied, to every boy and girl who he hooked up with, to every friend who asked if he was okay. there was one place taehyung needed to be at that moment, and it wasn't with hoseok.
the brunette nodded in understanding, and he and taehyung shared the shortest of kisses before the youngest left, wrapping his jacket around his shoulders tightly and walking down the streets with his head bowed. seoul may have been mainly city, but taehyung remembered the route to the park and the lake like it was the palm of his hand. the lake was always there, always serene, with the little bench there waiting for taehyung, waiting for the heartbreaking boy to come and sit and throw stones at the water and cry about his stupid mistakes. and right now, his stupid mistake was hoseok.
hoseok was the first person in a long time that taehyung had dated— and not fucked. hoseok had his own reasons for not wanting to sleep with him, and taehyung respected him for that, but taehyung had commitment issues, he had commitment issues the size of the fucking sun, not to mention the fact that he felt like he needed to fuck someone.
sex to taehyung was like cigarettes or alcohol to any other person; he was addicted to simple pleasure, and that hurt many people. but it always hurt taehyung more. his addiction didn't satisfy anything. he wanted changkyun, he wanted his kyunnie back, rather than dead in a 'correctional facility' bathtub, asphyxiating himself with his own belt when he was supposed to have been washing, no nurses around to see him kill himself.
taehyung stared at the emerald green grass in front of him, hands nestled in his pockets and eyes dull as his head span with a million worries and concerns. he put up this ridiculous façade of fuckboy attitude to hide what he really was; a scared, heartbroken, empty boy who didn't know what else to do. he bigger up his confidence, he went to clubs and listened to rap and bought gucci with his parent's business money, he smoked weed and took pills and got high with jennie and jongin and yugyeom because he wanted everyone to think he was okay. that he wasn't scared of commitment, scared his friends would leave him, scared that he would fall in love again.
and that was why he made a decision. rash, stupid, idiotic, but it was for hoseok's own good.
"what the fuck is wrong with me?" taehyung said quietly, just to himself, as he took his phone from his pocket, finding hoseok's contact and biting hard on his lip as he thought of what he wanted, what he needed to say. he knew it would hurt him, he knew it'd break him, but they'd been dating for a month and taehyung just couldn't do it, he couldn't break hoseok by sleeping with someone else behind his back, fucking nameless strangers because hoseok wasn't comfortable with sex and taehyung was a pathetic addict.
to: hobi ✨ i'm sorry|
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thank you so much for 600 reads !!!!!!!! 💖💕💓💗💞💘💟💞💝💗💟💟💗
