savior

twenty six

DAY TWENTY; ELEVEN DAYS TO GO

I could explain a million times to Luke Hemmings that we would never, ever, get back together, but still, he'd come up to me in the middle of the hallways, trying to start a conversation about us. There was no way on earth that I could ever hate him, but I did hate it when he started talking and wouldn't shut up. There was no way we were going to date again. It was sad to say, but he was just boring. We weren't right for each other.

Even back when we were dating, I knew we wouldn't last very long. People say that "opposites attract," but we didn't. Maybe we were too opposite. I mean, I wanted to go outside, lay in the grass, and talk to him like a normal couple would, but he would just start up a conversation about something that happened at school. He didn't like the things I did, like rollerblading down the hills of Pennsylvania. Instead, he'd take me to a sporting goods shop and ask me to tell him if he looked alright in a pair of gym shorts; and maybe if he had shorter legs, I would've thought he looked okay.

We just weren't the perfect match that I had hoped we would be. That was another reason why I dumped him. He wasn't really my type. I wasn't even sure what my type was, and I could tell that he wasn't. 

The next day, when I was about to head to lunch, he caught me by the arm to get my attention. When I looked over at him, not to happy, a large smile broke out on his face. "Hey. I'm glad I caught you," he said, letting go of my arm. "Literally—so, um, I was wondering—" 

"I'm not going on  a date with you, Hemmings, okay?" I said, walking into the busy cafeteria. In the corner of my eye, I could see Ashton sitting at our regular table; alone. Before I could walk in his direction, Luke pulled me towards the lines. 

Today for lunch, we had the option of hamburgers, pizza, or a spaghetti plate. Normally, I'd go for pizza on days like this, but I was directed towards the hamburger line. I was used to it. When Luke and I were a couple, and there were hamburgers being served, that's what we got, because Luke claimed that he was a growing man, and men ate hamburgers. 

So, as the two of us went through the hamburger line, Luke didn't let go of my coat sleeve. He must have really want to talk about us today. The only time he let go during the serving of our food was when he had reached the end of the line, and needed to pay for his lunch. Luke also decided that he was going to be a gentleman, so he paid for my disgusting plate of dead cow, too. 

I wasn't a vegetarian, but when I was a kid, my family owned a farm. Before it got sold by the government, and we were forced to find another home—the apartment we lived in now—I owned a small baby cow. And I grew up with that cow. We had it until it became an adult. One day, I woke up, ran out to the pasture, and my cow was gone. This was way before I ever met and became friends with Anna. Before then, cow number twenty-seven was my only companion. That's why I didn't eat hamburger. Who knows whether or not I'm chowing down on my best friend? 

On the way back to my table, where Ashton was still sitting by himself, Luke decided to continue talking to me. "Listen to me, alright?" he said, when I tried ignoring him. I just shrugged my shoulders, and continued to walk. "I know we dated a while back, so it might make things awkward between us, but I just want—"

"Luke, you need to listen to me now, because I need to get something through your head. We are never going to get back together; ever. Can you stop trying?" I started to walk quickly away. A few people that were close were watching intently at us, although, it wasn't any of their business. I couldn't care less about them. Maybe the embarrassment would finally make Luke understand for once. 

But he didn't give up. I don't think he even noticed the attention he was getting. He continued to walk towards me. That was the thing about Luke: even if you expected him to give up something, he was always determined to reach his goal. For example, in freshman year, he wanted to be cast as the male lead in the school musical. He practiced long and hard for that, and even had a few friends help him, and he eventually got it. I don't know why he'd want to be in a stupid school play, but he did, and he got in and totally smashed it. He was a talented kid. 

He pulled me off into a corner. The only thing that distanced himself from me was our lunch trays that were placed in between us. "I don't want to be your damn boyfriend, okay? The only thing that I care about right now is being your friend. That's all I want." 

I suddenly got disappointed. He only wanted to be my friend. I admit that I didn't want to be his girlfriend, but I kind of liked the whole fighting-for-me thing. It made me feel a little special. All I could do was look at him. His blue eyes pierced into mine. "You just—you only want to be friends?" I asked, a little dumbfounded. 

"Yeah. I mean, unless you want to be more, then I'm totally down for that. But right now, just friends is good for me," he repsonded, putting one hand on my shoulder, while balancing his tray with the other. I nodded my head. The idea was good for me. Maybe it might be less awkward for us this way. "So, just friends?" Luke asked, removing his hand from my shoulder and holding it in front me. 

I shook his large hand, putting a smile on my face, and saying, "Just friends." 

Together, the two of us walked off, as just friends, to the table Ashton was occupying. There wasn't a sign of the other's being here. When Ashton noticed us, he perked up a little bit, his eyes becoming happier. He patted the seat next to him, where I gladly sat down. 

Luke dug into his lunch, happily eating the dead cow with no regrets whatsoever. It was different story for me. Instead I peeled the bun from the meat, and ate that instead, along with my fruit cup that I had to pry out of Ashton's hand, and a few sips of chocolate milk. As I chewed, I couldn't help but wonder where the other's had run off to, or if they had joined Ashton for lunch at all. 

Since the little incident yesterday, I hadn't seen any of them. Michael wasn't in first period like he normally was. I hadn't recieved one call or visit from Anna. I normally never saw Calum until lunch time, and he wasn't here. It was a little weird. I had no idea why Michael ran off in the middle of Calum's speech. When I asked him if he was okay, he said he was fine. The whole situation made absolutely no sense to me. 

"Were you sitting here alone, Ashton?" I asked him. It must have been lonely sitting here with no one to talk to. Maybe he was used to it, but he did usually have Michael to sit with, so he couldn't have been completely lonely all the time. But Michael wasn't here. 

Ashton nodded, stealing a spoonful of my fruit cup. "Yeah. I have no clue where everyone else is. I haven't seen them since I left for the bathroom yesterday. Speaking of which, I'll be back in, like, two minutes." With that, he jumped up, headed towards the men's room, and disappeared. 

At first, it never occured to me, but now I wondered why he left for the bathroom everyday. Surely, he wasn't sick, or anything like that. If he was, he would have said something. We were such close friends now, and we told each other a lot about ourselves. Colds didn't normally last as long as this one did. He wasn't sick. Luke was looking at me when I took my eyes off of the restroom door that Ashton had stepped through. Something in his eyes was different. He looked like he was thinking about something. 

"He's probably waiting to tell you himself, but I know why he disappears like that everyday," he said, talking lowly, like he didn't want anyone else to hear him. The tone of his voice kind of confused me. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Ashton has an eating disorder, Regan."