savior

thirty nine

DAY TWENTY SIX; FIVE DAYS TO GO

The date turned out very well. After the dinner at McDonald's (which Ashton was still worried I didn't like, even though I kept reminding him afterwards that I had a good time), we disappeared to a nearby park and messed around. It was dark by then, and the only illumintation was the streets lights, so it made it a little hard to see our way around, but there was enough to see that Ashton was grinning from ear to ear. I liked knowing that I was part of the reason for that smile. 

It surprised me that these feelings could just erupt out of nowhere in such a small time span. It hadn't even been a full month yet, and we were walking around some unknown neighborhood together, after finishing what was an awesome date, with our fingers laced together and our faces red from blushing. 

Ashton sat on one end of a teeter-totter and asked me to join him. I was reluctant to do so, because I was wearing a dress, but Ashton started doing the puppy-dog face and I couldn't resist. So I sat down, covered my lap with my jacket, and he bounced on the end he was sitting on, making me almost fly up in the air. His legs were way too long for this toy, and he looked ridiculous with his knees so high up in the air like they were. 

"Okay, let me get down now. I'm getting a wedgie," I said, moving my dress so it felt less awkward. I was embarrassing myself. Ashton started to laugh. He carefully got off of his side, but I still fell to the ground with a thud. 

Ashton kept laughing, but in between giggles, he kept saying, "I'm so sorry, Armel. Oh my god, that was hilarious. Do it again!" 

I glared at him as I stood up and brushed myself off. Then I covered myself with my coat. Ashton kept trying to help me put it on, but I refused his offer. I wasn't mad, but I really didn't need his help with it. It was only a jacket. When I had it on, Ashton took my hand and we continued to walk somewhere else. It was close to nine o'clock. 

"Does your, like—does your butt hurt?" Ashton asked. I looked at him and stuck my tongue out, but then shook my head no. It did hurt when I fell, but the pain subsided as we walked around. "Good. I don't want to take you to the hospital to have, like, a butt transplant or something." 

"I was right: you are a weirdo," I said, repeating my words from earlier in the restaurant. We were having such an awkward conversation, and I didn't really want to continue it. 

Ashton led me back to the train station, so we could start on our way home. I didn't really want to go back home, because I was having such a great time with my boyfriend tonight, and because all that was there was my little sister who kept reminding me that our flight was scheduled two days from now, and my mother, who couldn't care less where I was and what I was doing. It was ridiculous to me, because she was always around before the miscarriage, but now she just didn't care about Kaitlynn and I. I knew it was probably stupid of me to think this, but I had a feeling she didn't want us anymore, because we were my dad's children. It made me sad.

Ashton must have noticed my change in behavior, because he squeezed my hand a little, untangled our fingers, and then took his arm and wrapped it around my shoulders. When I looked up at him, on his face was a reassuring smile. He placed a small kiss on my forehead. 

Everything was going sort of quick between us. A few days ago, we had gotten in a fight, and days after that we made up, and then a day after that he was asking me to sleep in his bed with him. Not to mention when we woke up he called me his girlfriend to someone we had just met, and then ended up kissing me, becoming my boyfriend, and holding my hand. And today we had just finished up a date. It was all so weird, but if Ashton was happy, I was happy. I was really happy to be with him at the moment.