savior

forty four

DAY TWENTY NINE; TWO DAYS TO GO

ASHTON'S POINT OF VIEW

There were many messages and missed calls left on my phone when I checked it. As I expected, they were all from Regan, saying that she was sorry and she needed me to let her talk to me about whatever was happening. And as much as I wanted to reply, I felt like it would be a better idea to leave it all alone.

I liked her a whole lot, yeah. But she kept things from me. Boyfriends and girlfriends were supposed to tell each other things like that. There are to be no secrets. But she kept one. If she were to leave for Florida, I wouldn't have any idea what to do. I was used to feeling lonely, but if she was gone, I'd feel the loneliest I ever had.

Her flight was yesterday, and I didn't leave my apartment all day. She didn't even come to say goodbye to me. That gave me an even bigger clue that she was gone, already forgetting about me, just like everyone else did.

Even Michael wasn't around anymore. Sure, maybe I pushed him away a little bit, like the other day when he came over to talk to me about my breakup. He said something about talking to Regan, and I immediately didn't want to hear it.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Maybe I could've talked to my siblings about it, but they weren't old enough to know about all of this. I didn't even think they knew about what was going on in my life; why I wore jackets when it was a little hot outside, or why I closed myself off in my room. They didn't really come and ask. The two of them just decided that I was alright.

The only person I knew that would hear me out was my mom. She was always there for me. Recently I haven't been by her side as much, and Regan was part of the reason why. I was so caught up in her, because I liked her and wanted her to like me, so I hung out with her instead of visiting Mom like usual. That was so stupid of me.

I decided that I was going to see her again, after only a few short days of not coming around. Last time I saw her, she met my girlfriend, and that ended up being alright until her dad called. That screwed everything up, and we had to leave earlier than I wanted to. Things would be easier if the cancer just disappeared.

Lauren and Harry were watching TV when I entered the living room. I stepped behind the couch to find my shoes. "I'll be back later. I love you," I said, kissing the top of their heads. They waved to me, and I left.

The walk only took a few minutes. The hospital wasn't that far away from the apartment building. When I entered, the woman at the counter directed me to the right room, and told me to be careful walking in the hallways because some patients were asleep. I thanked her and headed up to the familiar room.

Mom was just watching whatever program the nurses put on the television. Lately she had been super weak and couldn't move. When she saw me, a smile formed on her face. "Hi, mom," I said. I walked towards her and took a seat on a chair next to the bed she was laying in.

She was still extremely pale. I'd do anything for this cancer to go away, even if it meant being diagnosed with it myself instead of her. Mom didn't deserve it at all. She was a nice woman, trying to raise her three kids alone. She deserved a lot more than lung cancer and a shitty hospital room. Over on the other side of the curtain was a man snoring extremely loud. His family was visiting him, although he was sleeping, and they were being super talkative and annoying.

"Do you want me to change the channel?" I asked her, pointing to the television that was placed so high up on the wall. It must have been hurting her neck. I adjusted her pillows so it was less painful for her, and she sighed in relief. On the screen was a cartoon skeleton, singing some weird song. In writing was the words Death Project. It looked like it was a cartoon for only the bravest of children.