savior

thirty five

DAY TWENTY FIVE; SIX DAYS TO GO

I quickly scurried off in the direction of Ashton's bedroom, where he had previously escaped to. When I brought up the girlfriend card, he seemed to get a little hesitant, and his face got pale. I was beginning to think that maybe there wasn't anything going on between us, that he was just being friendly to me by inviting me to sleep in his bed, or holding my hands, or putting his arms around me. It didn't mean anything to him like it meant to me.

When I opened the door, I could see him sitting on the edge of his bed, hunched over with his hands covering his eyes. I walked in a little bit, and placed my hand on his bare shoulder. He flinched and looked up at me, his eyes a little watery.

"Are you okay?" I asked, plopping down next to him. Ashton wiped his eyes, and nodded. "Look, Ashton, uh, I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you upset. I didn't mean it."

He didn't say any really. All he did was stare at me. Finally after a few seconds of us just, well, looking at each other, he finally spoke up. "Armel, you didn't do anything. I've just been over thinking things a lot," he murmured, scooting off of his bed and onto the floor beside it. I did what I had to do, and sat next to him once again.

"Over thinking what? Maybe I can help you come to a conclusion?" I offered, hoping he'd elaborate.

I wanted to do all in my power to help him, because not only was it my job, but because I wanted him to feel better. I've said it over and over that I wanted him to be happy, and I'd say it a million times more because it was true. He looked down at the floor to our hands, which one of us had decided to tangle together. I wasn't even sure who had done it, because I was too focused on him. His chapped lips parted, came together, and parted again, and I couldn't do anything but watch them.

"I have this friend," Ashton started. "He's, uh—he has a slight problem with a girl he's been around, because he likes her a lot, and she's got no real idea how much." He kept his eyes on the floor.

I think I had an idea who he was talking about. It was obvious that that's why he came to my apartment that one day, to talk about it. But I don't know why he was bringing up now, because I've already had the conversation before. "You're really worried about Michael, aren't you? He's alright, though. He told me everything between him and Anna."

Ashton's nose scrunched up. He groaned and placed his head back on his bed. Maybe he was upset that Michael had come to me before him? That's probably how I would feel if I was his best friend for long. Outside, I could hear the birds chirping, reminding me that it was morning and we'd have to head off to school soon. I was going to say something to Ashton, to tell him that we could talk about it when I was ready for school, but he started talking before I could.

"No, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry. Let's just forget about it," he said. He removed his hand from mine for the second time in less than twenty four hours. "I just—"

Ashton turned his head away from me. Suddenly I began to get disappointed. Why did he never finish conversations with me? Every time he had something important to say, he always cut himself off and left me in the dust.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Just randomly stop talking to me. I want to hear you out; you have to tell me what's on your mind," I said, turning his head in my direction by his chin. He looked down at his lap. "I want to be there for you, Ashton. Please?"

His hazel eyes stared into my blue ones. I felt so at home looking into his eyes, and just being close to him in general. In the beginning, I had no idea that this would happen to me. I wasn't originally supposed to fall for him. It was so weird. I had never felt this way, not even for Luke, and I had told him I loved him, and I thought I meant it. But with Ashton, it was different.