savior

forty

DAY TWENTY SEVEN; FOUR DAYS TO GO

I hardly had any sleep. When Ashton dropped me off, I wanted to cry, because once again, I had ruined things between us. I knew I should've said something about it, or maybe stepped out of the room to tell my father that I didn't think me leaving Pennsylvania was going to be great idea, but I wasn't thinking of the consequences. One of the biggest consequences was losing Ashton. 

There was only four days left of October, and every second that passed scared me to death. I wasn't sure of what Ashton was thinking. All I knew was that I needed to go talk to him, and that's what I planned to do this morning. He needed to hear me out. I'd even call my dad back and explain to the both of them at the same time that I wasn't leaving. I couldn't leave Ashton. Although a big reason was because he could possibly kill himself, another reason was that I liked him. I liked Ashton a whole lot. 

I didn't know if he had the same feelings for me, as strong as mine were, but I knew that mine were stronger than the feeling of wanting to see my dad again. Maybe in the future I could go for a visit, and maybe bring Ashton to meet him, if we last that long. As I cuddled with my blankets as I laid in my bed, I just imagined everything that could happen if Ashton and I lasted a long time. I knew it couldn't possibly happen, because it had only been one day into the relationship and I already screwed everything up. 

A hand rapped on my door. "Come in," I said lowly, but loud enough for the knocker to hear. I had my eyes closed, so when whoever it was opened the door, I had no clue who it was. But when she started talking, I smiled. Kaitlynn took a seat at the edge of my bed, just as Ashton had when we were in the hospital with his mother. 

"I'm not sure what happened last night, but I was in the kitchen when you came home, and by the look on your face, I could see something was wrong," Kaitlynn said, placing a hand on my leg. I was still clinging onto my pillow as she smiled at me, trying to cheer me up. "Did something happen?" 

Kaitlynn wasn't home when Ashton had barged in and kissed me the other day, nor was she there when I was being tickled to death by him. She had no clue that we were together, if we still were. I can only imagine how mad Ashton was. He gave me the silent treatment when I had said too much, and he'd probably do the same thing now that I said too little.

She deserved to know that I no longer wanted to join her on the flight to Florida. I could say it a million times, but moving to a state that was so foreign to me wasn't worth losing people I cared about. I didn't have Anna anymore, and not Ashton right now, but I still did have Michael, Calum, and possibly Luke if he finally realizes that we're over and done with. Leaving them, and Ashton, would only make me feel terrible. I knew that now.

"I'm not going to Florida," I said, quietly. As I sat up, I kept my attention on my sister, whose face fell. A frown etched on her face, and she crossed her arms.

"And why is that?"

"I belong here." 

Kaitlynn stood up. "But we were supposed to go and forget about everything here. You know; all that drama with Anna, or whatever, and Mom simply ignoring us all the time. How can you possibly want to live through all of that?" she questioned. She began to pace back and forth around the room beside my bed, removing the clothes that were laying on it, and stuffing them back in the now empty suitcase.

Before I decided that I was too tired to even kept my eyes open, I started to unpack the suitcase and put everything back in its original spot. I had gotten through most of my shirts and half of my jeans, but I still wasn't done yet. I had never undressed from the blue dress I was wearing, and sleeping in it was a bit uncomfortable, but I couldn't help myself. Keeping my eyes open was unbearable considering how late it was when I gave up for the night, and dressing into something else was nowhere near possible for me.