savior

thirty

DAY TWENTY; ELEVEN DAYS TO GO

As I sat in my room, with the radio playing a random song, I started folding my clothes and placing them neatly in my suitcase. I had been convinced that moving to Florida with my father was the best decision I had ever made. I mean, I missed him a whole lot, and all my mother seemed to care about was moping around and getting wasted. Kaitlynn and I didn't need to be around that.

I was halfway through my closet when I heard a knock on my door. "Come in!" I shouted, trying to get my voice higher than the radio.

Standing in the doorway of my room was Ashton, who I had been expecting since I had arrived. His smile faltered when he looked around my room. "What's going on? Are you, like, going on a trip or something?" he asked, walking in and sitting on my made bed. I was going to have to strip it and pack it up eventually.

Like Kaitlynn had earlier, I ignored the question and continued to remove clothes from my closet. I knew I was going to have to tell Ashton sooner or later, but I chose later. He was staring at me as I placed every shirt and pair of jeans into the bag.

"Armel," he said, softly, coming up to me, and placing an arm over my shoulder. "Armel, answer the question. What are you packing for?"

I could see that he was starting to get a little fidgety, or somehow scared, and I didn't know why. It wasn't like I was going to drop all contact with him. I was just going to live in Florida. They still had cellphones and computers there.

"Ashton, shut up, please. It's all okay. Don't worry," I said, removing his arm from me. He was starting to make me feel bad for wanting to move in with my dad, and it annoyed me more than anything. I wasn't going to change my mind. Sure, we were good friends, but good friends kept contact no matter where they were. We were still going to talk.

He seemed a little taken aback by my words, but it didn't faze me. I needed to get all of this done quickly. Hopefully my mom wouldn't barge in and demand to know what was going on. That would only ruin my mood even more than Ashton was. "Sorry," he mumbled, sitting back on my bed.

I let out a determined sigh. Kaitlynn came in a few minutes later, claiming she was finished and wanted to help me out. Ashton just sat back and watched the two of us. I noticed that he wasn't wearing a jacket like normal, but only a muscle tee. And he didn't have any bracelets on like he usually did. It confused me because he always wore them, but, hey, if his style was changing, that was cool. Maybe he wouldn't be so depressing to hang around.

"So, uh, do you want me to leave?" Ashton asked, pointing to the door. I just shrugged. He wasn't making any conversation with me. What was the point in letting him hang around?

"If you want. You aren't really doing anything by just sitting there. You could be a gentleman and help me, but you're not, so whatever," I said, not really paying attention to him. I was too focused on folding the shirt in my hand.

I didn't know why my mood had changed so quickly. At first I was dying for Ashton to come over, because I had a lot to tell him about the conversation between Michael and I, but now I couldn't care less if he was here. My dad was far more important than a silly gossip session.

"Fine, Regan. I'll see you around, then," he said, and then he walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. I didn't have a clue what his problem was. If he really wanted me to enjoy his company, he should've said something.

Instead of fretting about it, I finished up with my shirts, and started gathering every pair of jeans and shoes that I owned. Kaitlynn had left to get us something to eat.

It took a few hours to get every we wanted all packed and ready to go. We actually had no idea when we were leaving, and we'd probably need to unpack a few things for school, but overall we were pretty much ready. Mom hadn't come in, or bothered with us. It kind of sucked, because she was our mother, and she should care if her daughters planned on moving to another state out of the blue and without permission, but she didn't. That only made me happier to get out.

By the time it started to get dark, Kaitlynn and I had already gotten ourselves ready for bed. She hung around my room and we watched some movies while eating popcorn. We had a very awesome bonding moment that night. Kaitlynn said she was going to bed, and when she was gone, I was starting to feel a little lonely. Normally on nights when I had nothing to do, I'd call Ashton and we'd talk for hours.

I dialled his number. It took a few rings, but he finally answered after the fifth one. "What?" he spat, a little too harshly. What was his deal? This was a normal thing for us.

"I was just going with a routine. We talk every night," I said slowly.

He didn't answer for a while. I could still hear his breathing on the other line, which indicated that he was still there, trying to come up with something to say. It was almost ten o'clock at night. He was probably shirtless in his bed, like he makes sure to remind me every time.

"So, now I'm interesting to you?" he questioned, a little sarcastic. "Look, Armel, I'm used to being a second choice, but not when fucking clothes are my competition."

I had no idea why he was being so sarcastic to me. If he knew the situation, he'd be changing his attitude completely. For the first time ever, maybe he should be considering my happiness over his. As much as I had been trying to make him feel like less of a loser, he couldn't even think of me for once.

"C'mon, Ashton. Don't be an idiot," I said, laughing a little. He was acting so stupid. "What's up?"

"I've got to go, Armel."

"No, Ashton, don't. What's the matter with you?"

I could hear him huff over the line. Why was he being so rude to me? I couldn't possibly have been so mean to him. He was hardly there for twenty minutes. He was the one who wasn't talking to me. And he was the one who decided to leave.

"I'd tell you, but you wouldn't really care," Ashton said. It seemed like he was calming down. "I mean, no one ever cares about the depressed kid, do they?"

"I care."

"You didn't care earlier."

"I was busy."

"Everyone is."

"Ashton, if you're so fucking depressed, why don't you just talk to someone? Seriously. All of this sad talk were going on about gets kind of annoying, you know. Like, watch a happy TV show, eat something yummy, do something. Damn."

"It's not that easy!" he shouted into the phone. I heard something slam in the background. I couldn't believe he was acting like this. I was trying to help him. "You know, I was actually going to tell you something exciting, like how I stopped cutting because of you, you bitch. But now I've changed my mind. I'm obviously too fucking depressed to stop."

"Ashton—"

"I knew this friendship shit was too good to be true. Bye, Armel."

He hung up. And I've never gone to bed as disappointed in myself as I was.