savior

forty six

[ hi guys! i'm back finally! currently, i am sitting in a small little van thing, in the middle of two people and they are reading over my shoulder (wow give me some privacy geez). anyways, i just wanted to say that i'm sorry for the long wait, but camp was so fun, and i had a really great time. i missed all of you a lot, though.

OH! and i wanted to tell you something really cool. outside at the camp were wooden tables, and on those tables was a lot of writing from other people that went to the camp. on the top of one table, someone had written 'ASHTON' in giant handwriting, and on one of the benches attached the table, someone had written the name Regan, but had spelled it 'Reagan.' when i saw it, i started flipping out and my dad literally thought i was going insane. it was so cool.

ok, i'll delete this at some point.. enjoy the chapter! ]

DAY TWENTY NINE; TWO DAYS TO GO

My head was spinning as I stepped away from the bathroom door. Never did I think before that something like this was going on in Ashton's life, but now that I thought about it, it did make a lot more sense to me. That explained why he was so skinny and fragile, and why he always disappeared during lunch when he finished his food. He was going to throw it all up.

Lauren and Harry didn't seem fazed as they continued to walk around in the apartment, acting as if this was completely normal. Maybe it was to them. I wasn't around as much to know how things went around here on a daily basis.

Little Harry walked up to me and tugged on my shirt. "You don't have to worry, Regan. It happens all the time. He just has a lot of allergies. They make him feel sick sometimes," he told me, and it made me feel sad. Ashton never told them.

Of course, if I were to have some eating disorder like Ashton did, I would've kept it to myself, too. But I don't think I would've just ignored the fact that my siblings would be listening to me as I threw up what I had just chowed down. Lauren and Harry deserved to know more about their brother's life.

When I turned my head to look at Lauren, who was in the kitchen cleaning up Ashton's mess, I saw the look on her face. She was sad. Her head raised, and she looked me in the eyes. In them, I could see all of the emotion she was hiding. Somehow I could tell that she had an idea what was happening, but she wasn't sure how she should help. I gave her a reassuring smile, but instead of returning it, she just looked back down at the counter she was wiping off.

My shoulders slumped back, and I took a step closer to the door. Ashton wasn't vomiting anymore. Instead, he was sobbing on the other side of the door. I could hear his violent cries, and I wanted to open the door and comfort him, but he was sitting in front of it, blocking the only entrance.

"Ashton," I said softly, leaning against the outside of the door. As much as I wanted him to open the door, I knew I needed to be gentle with him.

I would've never thought saving someone's life would've been so hard. Superheroes made it look so easy. In reality, it was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. Ashton wasn't always a tough egg to crack, and I had to pry a lot out of him. He kept everything to himself. It is his life, and he has the right to keep quiet about some things, but even when people were just trying to help him, he avoided those people and let the baggage continue to get at him.

Sometimes, I just wanted to wrap him up in a little blanket and cuddle him to death. I wanted everything to be better for him. He deserved to be happy, and everything in his life was preventing happiness to ever come to him.

Suddenly, I heard the door knob being twisted. Ashton peeked his head out of the crack of the door, saying, "Come on."

I stood in the middle of the bathroom with Ashton. Luckily he had flushed the toilet before letting me in. I took a seat on the floor, leaning on the back of the door. Ashton was filing through a drawer. From it, he pulled out a toothbrush and toothpaste and started brushing his teeth. He stared at me from the mirror as he cleaned his previously dirty mouth.