More Than Just A Silly School Girl Crush

This Silly School Girl Crush Means Nothing If Your Not There

Could this really be happening? I can't have one day, one day to think that this dreadful world isn't out to get me right? But no you go ahead, stab me in the back when I needed you the most. Now he is moving in with her? That witch? That one obstacle keeping me away from him? Why is it I can't win the battle of love, why is it so hard?

I look into Jesse's eyes and he looked into mine, I had hoped he saw the pain he's putting me through right now. Is this normal for my age? Like what high school girl goes through this? Girls my age only worry about if they're going to graduate or get asked out to the prom. My senior year I'm worried about if my boyfriend who is my teacher and married can even remember my name!

"Well you two kids should be going home." Maria states as she grabs a shirt and folds it into a bag. "Me and my husband need to go home."

"Fine I give up." I finally said it. "Take care of him."

"Noel what are you doing?" Charles follows me as I leave out of the room. "Who are you? This isn't the Noel I know, the one I know wouldn't give up like this."

"Who are you talking about? The Noel you know is an A+ student. Who never misses school, never gets lower than a ninety in each class, and never loved anyone!" I stood there not even turning around to face Charles." It hurts less being that way."

I walked out of the room and the feelings I began to have were terrible. It felt as if I were pushed off a ledge over and, over again, and not even death could take away this pain.

I walked down the stairs, each step I took I wanted to go back and fight for him. It was like I was being pulled back, but I just couldn't take this anymore and went down those stairs without looking back.

When I arrived at the lobby, I exhaled and left the hospital. I began to hear songs in my head. Like the ones you hear when its time to move on Beyonce's "Irreplaceable" or Eminems "Spacebound". That's what's been going through my head and for the first time I understood those lyrics.

Walking home alone was lonely the trees were dead around me the only sounds I heard was the sounds of my feet stepping into the slush. All I could see was grey the town seemed empty like a ghost town. I only saw a couple of people walking around town but even so it was empty.

I arrive in my neighborhood walking towards ny house to see my mom and Sanders together hugging. I went straight to the door I didn't even say hi to them I just opened the door and went to my room.

I laid on my bed and I began to realise and take in what I have just done. I didn't even cry is that normal at all? I just laid down looking at my dull white ceiling and my blue walls. My cell phone was laying there and I didn't even pick it up to see if I missed anything I just stared at it sighing. I got up and walked to my desk which had been unused for a while it was empty and uncluttered. I picked up my bookbag from under my desk and I took out all of my work and just studied it.

*Two hours later*

I was still studying mom had walked into my room and looked at me as she was next to my desk. She closed my book and sighed at me.

"What are you doing?" Mom asks as she sits on my bed. "Charles called and told me everything."

"Well if he told you why are you asking me?" I said turning my chair to face her.

"Noel what's wrong? This isn't the same girl from two weeks ago." Mom looks into my eyes but I averted away.

"I don't know what your talking about mom I'm the same." I got up and opened the door. "Well if you may I was studying."

"Noel listen you think you're the same but your not I know what your going through. I know what it's like to be in love with someone." Mom walks over to me.

"No me and you will never ever, and I mean ever understand each other." I slammed the door shut.

"Noel!" Mom bangs on the door.

I ran to my closet and I shut the door I curled up in the fetal position and I rocked myself back and forth. Closing my eyes whispering "It'll be okay." To myself.

The first nights always the worst.