Shawn's POV:
It's been six months. It's been exactly six months today since I broke up with her. My beautiful girlfriend Y/n. The sunshine, happiness and even love of my life.
I count everyday I'm not with her. Why I broke up with her when I miss her so much? It was just better for her. I hurt her, not even being with her. I hurt her because of not being with her.
Shortly before I left for tour, her sister died in a car accident. She was so broken. She hasn't the best relationship with her parents. They are always working and they never really cared about their daughters.
So when Y/n's sister died, she broke down crying and didn't leave her room for days. I was with her all the time. I promised her to never leave her side. I promised and didn't hold it.
When she was sleeping I saw all the hate she's getting on social medias and I read that she's getting bullied in her school because of dating me. I felt so guilty for that. The time came I had to leave for tour.
I called her less and less. Texting everday turned into texting every week. She just needed someone who could be there for her all the time. Who could hold her every night and tell her that everything is gonna be okey.
Someone who could give her the love and time, I wasn't able to give her. I'm not the right one for her. I decided to break up with Y/n and with that I made the biggest mistake of my life. I left her. I just left when she needed me the most.
I never meant to hurt her. I thought it was the best for her, I really did. I came home from tour a week ago but I couldn't find the courage to talk to her. Now I'm standing in front of her door and repeat everything in my head again.
How she begged me not to leave her but I just blocked her. I know. I'm such an asshole. The strange thing is that she textet me 20 minutes ago that she loved me and that I should never forget that, no matter what's going to happen to her.
That worried me. Why would she tell me that after such a long time? Just knock, I think to myself. I slowly raise my shaking hand to the wooden door and finally my knuckles come in contact with the door. I wait a bit but no one answers. I knock again but no reply.
I remember the spare key she has under the flower pot. "Thank god it's still there." I mumble while looking under it. I take the key and unlock the door, pushing it open. It was completely quiet. I start to get a weird feeling in my stomach.
I don't know why. The house just seems so... lifeless. "Y/n?" I call out but it stays quiet. "It's me Shawn. Please answer." I walk into the living room and kitchen but she's not there. I start to get nervous.
What if something happened to her? I walk up into the bedroom. Nothing. I frustratedly stroke through my hair. "Where could she be?" I whisper. Suddenly I hear something. It was so quiet but it sounded like crying.
Y/n? With a bad feeling I quickly run upstairs to her room. I look around and my eyes land on the door of the connected bathroom. She wouldn't... right? The noise gets louder as I approach the door. "Y/n?" I call again.
Now it's completely quiet. I grab the door handle and try to open the door put it's locked. "Y/n. It's me Shawn. Please open the door." I shout, worried. My heart starts to beat faster as I hear something falling to the floor. "Leave." Y/n sobs quietly.
"Y/n what are you doing?! Open the door!" "Just go. You didn't care about me when you left. Why now?" she cries. I
could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.
She can't be doing what I think right now. "Y/n/. Please let me explain. Open the door now." I say, my voice cracking. "You want to explain? After months of ignoring me? It's too late anyways, Shawn." she shouts still crying.
I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. What does she mean with too late? "Open the damn door now or I'm going to break it down!" I shout, realizing what she means.
„Leave m-me alone! You promised n-not to leave but you just b-broke up with me over a text!" she shouts sobbing but suddenly it gets quiet. No,no,no,no. I push against the door as hard as I can but it doesn't open.
„Y/n! Please don't do that! I-I love you!" I scream while kicking against it. I finally manage too break the door open and storm inside to find Y/n lying on the floor with an almost empty bottle of pills beside her and a deep cut on her wrist.
Blood is everywhere around her. My heart skips a beat.
No. "Y/n."I croak out, kneeling down to her. "No this can't be happening. "Please look at me." I beg her. I couldn't stop the tears from falling anymore. This can't be real. "Please look at me baby." I cry while shaking her.
She doesn't breath anymore. No! I can't loose her. Not like this. I try to get her to breath again but it's useless. She lost too much blood. I take her in my arms and hide my face in her hair, holding her tightly.
Her blood is soaking my clothes but I don't care. How could I let that happen? "Please wake up." I whisper, my body shaking. "I love you. So so much." I whisper. She can't be dead.
She just can't. I sit there rocking her back and forth in my arms for minutes. Her body is getting cold. All the life is draining from her face. I watch her, my tears falling onto it.
I lost her. She did that because of me. She killed herself because of me. I left like everyone else who ever meant something to her. It's all my fault. "I'm so sorry.
I should have b-been there for you. I-I'm sorry for leaving. I thought it was the best for y-you. I should have been there." I sob.
„I love you." I whisper repeating it over and over again.
