Gold That Appears To Be Silver

Chapter IX: Mirrors

~Nothing is as temporary as emotions, yet when those emotions have turned into either love or hate, there is no going back even if you want to

Alex has grown more distant towards me after that night and there is nothing I can do about it.

Aside from that, the problems I'm having with my parents seem to be more present than usual.

I'm more aware of all my problems after having spoken to Alex that night. What does it even mean that she is perfect in my eyes? And what does it mean that my parents are flawed in every aspect?

Alex has grown more distant, but so have I. I guess we are reflecting onto each other, if she is struggling, I am struggling too. Who struggled first is a question that could never be answered though.

I don't really know how to handle anything anymore. Taylor and I have grown closer, working together at the library. People are really attentive and kind to me, even though their exterior is saying something else.

I'm sitting at the table for dinner with my mom and dad, one of the rare moments that we get to spend together.

I'm barely touching my food, since my thoughts are demanding all of my focus right now.

'Jaydee, are you okay? You haven't said a word,' my mother says, taking me in with that worried look in her eyes.

I look up, reluctantly meeting her eyes.

'I'm fine, mother,' I answer, refraining myself from sighing.

My mother puts her fork and knife down and raises an eyebrow at me.

'Your face tells me otherwise. Is it that new friend of yours?'

I shrug since it's true and it's not. My mother probably thinks that I'm having some standard friendship drama and that's not why I am lost in my thoughts. Yet it does have to do with Alex.

My father slams his fist on the table, gaining my attention. I immediately remove my gaze from his in disgust.

'You can't even use words now? I know that we haven't been there for you all the time, but it is no excuse to treat us like this, Jaydee,' he says angrily.

I meet his gaze in reluctance, imagining that my eyes are blue as ice, freezing him to the core so he will cool off.

'I can use words. I am just in a bad mood, I'm sorry,' I tell him, but he doesn't seem to be satisfied with it.

'You can't always be in a bad mood. We are your parents, Jaydee. Stop pulling up that wall. What's wrong?'

I shrug again, causing his anger to rise for the second time that evening.

'Go up to your room. I'm done with this. You don't have the right to keep treating us like this,' my father commands, dismissing me with a downward movement of his hand.

I nod at him in fake respect. 'But you do have the right to literally distance me from you. You are doing all the work on your own, dad.'

I calmly walk up the stairs and enter my room. Something powerful is raging inside me, threatening to take over who I am entirely.

I realize that it is sadness, that has always lingered inside me. I just always try to mask it with anger or indifference. My gift has always made me feel so lonely and insecure about who I am.

But it is time to accept the things for what they are, and not to try to give them another definition. I shouldn't hide behind those feelings that are actually covering up the real ones.

I really need someone that I can trust right now. There is only one name that comes to mind.

I sigh deeply, put on my woollen sweater and open my window. I'm instantly met by a cold breeze and I surprisingly enjoy it. I really need to breathe.