Gold That Appears To Be Silver

Chapter XXXI: Disconnect

~Relying on someone else to make you connect the pieces of you, will make you fall apart once that person gets crushed underneath your weight

Alex

The woman has brought me to the man who has the most magic inside the camp of the Northlings, Payne.

She has left us immediately after she took me to him.

The first thing that I noticed is his enormous grey beard. The man Payne abruptly begins to speak after he felt the magic inside my heart in the way that the woman did.

'The magic that is inside your heart is not yours. It's from another person that loves you deeply, hence it being in your heart. In order to connect to it, you need to let that person take control over your heart and mind at the same time. Heart and Mind separated, that's really powerful and risky at the same time. You are not fully in control over the heart because the magic of the soul is more powerful than yours. How did you connect to the magic that is flowing from your own soul?'

'I assume that I gained power over both heart and mind,' I answer him, thinking about the moments I tried to force Jaydee out of my mind. Maybe I forced her out of my heart too for some time at least.

'I suppose that the magic of the soul was trying to take control of your mind. Since your magic is rooted from the mind, the magic of the soul could not win. Instead, it got weaker, causing your magic to be able to take control over your own heart. That's why you could connect to your own magic. You were able to have control over both your heart and your mind.'

He pauses for a few seconds, licking his chapped lips.

'You need to let the magic of the soul take control over you. Empty your head, dispose of all thoughts inside of it until the thoughts of the soul will be running through your head. In that way, it can take control of your heart and mind and its magic will be able to connect.'

I concentratedly close my eyes, trying to let go of all thoughts, all the contemplating.

It is taking multiple hours for her to speak to me again inside my own mind.

'Alex, are you alright? Your mind has been so empty that it are my thoughts that are filling it instead of yours.'

'I am fine, Jaydee. I need your magic,' I answer inside my mind.

'You are connecting to it right now. I wish you would have found an other way. If you keep your mind empty, I have to fill it even when I don't want to. I can't even protest against it.'

I decide not to answer and to simply listen to what she is thinking.

'I want to die, I really do. It's really tiring to be your heart while your own is so much better than mine. I can't understand how you can't see that. I have been trying to let you use the heart without my interference for now, but it is really hard sometimes.'

I can feel warmth spreading through my entire body, from my heart to all the veins that are situated in my body.

The cold that I had at the moment we reached the Northlings has disappeared entirely.

I possess over the magic of the Northlings now.

I glance at the man in front of me, noticing the heat that is coming from him. It's his heart, it is visible through his clothes. Taking a few steps closer, I notice more details in it. It's jagged as if there has been something or someone that has made it that way.

'What do you see?' he whispers.

'That you've been hurt and that it has made you into the person you are today.'