Letters to Hae

Chapter 15

Hae's POV

Hae tried not to overthink as the night continued. He couldn't help but think though "this is too easy. How does she trust me so much?" He started to doubt himself. They were gently kissing and caressing in the moonlight shadows of his room. He hadn't expected things to develop to this point, noting that there was nothing sinister or dirty about their time together. They were both mature adults he felt and now Rachel had returned to bed and had turned the bed side lamps off before she turned to face him. He wanted to kiss her and asked her politely "you ok?" she kissed him in response and he smiled before returning her kiss. He was now content and it didn't matter to him if things progressed further under the sheets. He now sensed her movements and pulled her closer, which she understood that he wanted her wrapped in his arms. She obliged and placed her body comfortably in his embrace.

There were so many questions he wanted to ask her but he didn't want to lose this moment either. He decided that questions would come later and he pushed himself to forget tomorrow and to just enjoy the little time they had together. In time, as they kissed, he placed his hand under her t-shirt and on her back, caressing his thumb against her rib cage. She moved her legs to rest against his legs. She was resting her left arm and shoulder into the crevice of his chest and he lifted his head and wrapped his right arm around her to protect her. His free arm moved down her profile and rested on her thigh. He continued to caressed her thighs ever so gently. They held this position together quietly for what felt like ages.

Every now and again, Hae's insecurities would creep back in. When they weren't kissing, he was licking his lower lip or biting the corners of lip and he hoped she wouldn't notice his hesitation or shyness. "She has me under some sort of spell I think... this can't be a dream....... feels too real and yet surreal at the same time... here is my girl... in my arms... in my bed.... Please God don't take her just yet" he found himself saying to himself. He really was in awe of this moment.

He promised himself that he would not let anything ruin this evening / morning. He was enjoying her beautiful smile, and during the small talk that did occur, he would catch her cheeky grin. Whether he was conscious of it or not, his mind was taking down mental notes of her. Her eyes were deep as the ocean when he gazed at them and she came across as having a pure (but broken) heart. He smiled to himself. "Yes, I could get used to a girl like her in my life".

Hae determined himself to be carried away by the moment. As he moved her from his embrace. He found his arms were now securely threaded through her arms and under her shoulders. His body shift slightly to accommodate his yearning but he didn't want that to be the focus tonight. He then sensed that her body was responding as well and he paused for a moment, looking at her, unsure on how to proceed. Hae just didn't want this encounter to be about sex but he felt that both of them were comfortable enough to continue. He sensed a slight hesitation coming from her and asked her "you ok?" to which she replied "I think so...". He caught the doubt in her voice. He thought for a moment and then said "I think I know what your mind is thinking. Can I tell you?" he asked. He took her smile as an approval and in the moonlight rays and told her softly... "you're worried that this night will end and that all your letters would have been for nothing... you feel you won't see or hear from me again after the morning comes... you don't want any unnecessary attention thrown on me because of this night... correct?" she shifted her body from under him and laid beside him, now she was focused on her hand as she caressed his arm with stroking movements.

Her moving away from him confirmed his thoughts. He smiled at the acknowledgment that they had the same way of thinking but he now realised that he and her were in a situation that could potentially have very negative effects on both their lives if not handled correctly. Right now, they were both safe within this room, a bubble if you like, protecting them from the outside world but he knew that life needed to go on outside this room and what and who could impact their future was now very clear.

Rachel began by saying "let's leave this night to where it takes us, but I promise you I won't share this moment with anyone, including my friend Diane. I hope you know that I won't post anything about this night with you on SNS." Her voice becoming serious... "It'll be my own private memory. I will still send you letters, if that ok, as I have always done, and maybe, just maybe, down the track, I will see you in another country performing, and stay in the same hotel as you and share another moment with you...". Her words began to trail off until she couldn't speak any longer. She thought for a while then he kissed her nose and she continued.... "Let's not make promises to each other. I won't hold you back. I'm happy to watch and enjoy you through all the videos, posts that you and fans leave on SNS... all I ask is that we remain good friends, maybe with benefits she joked, and then let's see what happens". He put his lips together and bit the inside of his lips and stared at her for a long while. He didn't like this truth. He knew what she said was the only option he had. For the sake of his career, his SuJu brothers and his family. "ok my girl, lets enjoy the last few hours of my time with you..." he knew that while she could watch and see him anytime, it would be different and difficult for him. All he had was access to her Instagram account and even then, she didn't post a lot of herself. He would have to get an email address or phone number from her before their goodbyes are said. He smiled and leaned in to kiss her forehead. Then rested his head on her belly, staring in the night while she played with his hair.