Giving up on you

XV

You sat and inhaled the sweet and warm smell of coffee; it had a relaxing effect on you.

It was a beautiful winter morning but it was somehow different from every other morning: the guilt.

Leo walked away in a relaxed way, like he had get rid of the weight on his shoulders.

- wait! Leo! – you screamed walking after him but then you looked back at Hongbin who didn't stop you, just stared at you with a sad look. Leo didn't turn back at you.

Was I waiting for him to stop me?

- that is your answer? – Hongbin finally asked – it seems to me that you still can't forget about him.

You hurt him.

- That's not it, Hongbin! – you started to say but he interrupted you.

- No problem, I won't give you up. – he smiled full of self- confidence. – Shall I walk you home? Or do you want me to go?

- stay! I don't want to lose you again! – you almost pleaded to Hongbin.

- Alright, let's go – he took your hand again.

- does it hurt? – you referred to his hand which he used to hit Leo.

- I'm fine. Men like to punch and hit things... - he scoffed.

- Whatever – you rolled your eyes but then caught him looking at you with a tender gaze – what?

- Nothing... - he tried to lie but his shy smile give it away - ...it's just that you look so different, your hair is longer, your voice is ummm, how do I say it? Oh! Less high-pitched... - he smiled again – You've grown up into a fine woman. – he sighed - How could I have missed all this?

Your cheeks started to burn and turn bright red.

- You... you too have changed – you stuttered but side-eyed him – I liked your long hair but that style suits you better

 Light pink appeared on his cheeks but he didn't look away.

- We are here – you said pointing at a small house across the street – I live there.

He walked you to the door and stopped, you looked at him confused.

- Aren't you going to come in? – you asked

- I am your friend but if you invite me in – he ran his hand trough his hair – I don't know what I'll become because... - he remembered Leo kissing you - So just for tonight I will have to pass.

- I understand.

- Thank you...

You hugged him like the same way he did before. He was taken aback for an instant.

- This is just surreal... yesterday I was looking for you and now you are here – you cried on his shoulder.

- I'm here and I am not going anywhere – he patted your head.

The door bell rang taking you out of your memories of last night.

- Hongbin... or maybe Hakyeon – you let out a sigh of happiness and stand up to open the door. – hey! It's so early...- you smile fell - ... Leo.

He was there standing with a curious look on his face. Hands in his pockets and shoulders slightly curved.

- Sorry. I am not Hongbin.

- What do you want? – you shoot him a furious look.

- I just want to talk...

- We have nothing to talk about...

- yes, we do..- he pushed you inside the house and stepped in closing the door behind him.

- what the hell are you doing?! – you yelled.

- what did he do to you? – his face was serious, his eyes piercing yours.

- what?

- I am talking about last night.

- I don't have to answer you. As far as I know we are not that close anymore and you... you even rejected me. – you shouted and gestured so that you could show him your frustration.

- I...It was because – he recalled his errands and Hongbin's mother – It was because he disappeared. I didn't want to take advantage of the situation but now it's different.

He left you speechless. His reason made sense but still something was not right, it was the same feeling as before: he was hiding something. Then the girl he was with last night appeared on your mind.

- You have a girlfriend now, so stop this. – you said.

- What? I don't... – then he got what you were talking about. – she is just... someone I know.

He started to roam around the living room and the kitchen. Even took the coffee you were drinking a moment ago and took sip of it. You opened your mouth at his nerve.

- Nevermind, it's not my business – you continued – Now leave, Hongbin could be here at any moment.

He turned around to you with a fierce look.

- You love him now? – he walked towards you and grabbed your chin to make you look at him.

- It doesn't concern you – you clenched your teeth

- Answer me – he demanded taking your arm with his free hand.

For no reason the Leo standing in front of you reminded you of him the first day he arrived at school, how he mesmerized you in a second.

The answer came out naturally:

- I don't love him but I don't love you either, Leo. – your gaze was strangely cold.

His eyes opened more than usual and he slowly let go of your chin and arm.

Somebody knocked on the door and you flinched, Leo hurried and opened. You closed your eyes as you expected another fight like last night but there wasn't.

- Am I interrupting something? – Hakyeon passed by Leo as if he was not there. - the manager told me to give you this; he placed a donuts box on the table. – then he glared at Leo. – you can eat too.

The atmosphere turned quite heavy but you didn't have the chance to change it because the door opened once again and Hongbin passed through it.

- What is he doing here? – he immediately asked.

- I can be here if I want, more likely: if she wants. – Leo replied.

Both stared at you who were trying to answer but Hakyeon stepped in.

- Actually, this is my house and both of you can leave if I want. So start behaving like adults, please. – he used that scary soft yet threatening tone on his voice.

Both surprisingly obeyed him and went to sit on the couch while you were making some coffee and Hakyeon served the donuts.

- I told you: fair and square – Leo said lowering his voice down.

- There is no "fair and square" when it comes to you, remember? – Hongbin answered – I'll be the one who makes her happy.

- And I don't doubt it. I'll probably make her cry and suffer but she is the one to decide