Giving up on you

XXV FINAL

"Tis better to have loved and lost

than to never have loved at all"

-- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Hongbin parked his car in three movements and stormed out of it, almost stumbling on the icy sidewalk.

"Calm down, Lee Hongbin" He took a deep breath before resuming his way inside the hospital with long firm steps. Once inside, the nurses behind the counter greeted him with shy smiles as they were used to see him when he visited you but no one could actually get used to such perfect face.

He stopped behind the door to your room and breathed again as he reached out for the doorknob.

- hello? – He nervously called as he popped in behind the door.

- WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! – was the first thing you said to him once he had stepped inside the room - ... well, you already told me that...

He cringed but immediately changed his expression for a serious one.

- Then? Was that what you wanted to tell me? – he said turning tables.

Now it was you who was anxious and flustered with every step he took before sitting beside you on the bed looking down at you, his gaze could pierce through your eyes as if he was looking at your soul. Was it so intimidating all this time?

- You know, all this time I've been running away...

-No, I was the coward for only showing my feelings when I was about to leave... - he explained with a regretful expression.

- No, no. – you waved your hands, and it made your ribs hurt so you immediately put them down – you have always wanted the best for me...

- But I never considered your real feelings, I always assumed..

"Why does he always have to blame himself?" You silently said and decided to stop explaining reasons because he would always have something wrong to say about himself just to make you feel better.

- Hongbin ... I love you – your cheeks turned red as soon as you finished the sentence

His face fell in that moment, he looked at you with wide eyes and open mouth; he stayed like that for a minute, it was so

- w-what did you just say? – he stuttered, still in his stunned state. His cheeks turned pink slowly and his eyes started to shine even more – s-say it again, please...

- No! It's embarrassing – you hide your face in your hands.

- Please – he pleaded before softly uncovering your shy expression. His eyes were deeper, same as his voice – say it so I know I'm not dreaming.

- Just once – you pouted and his lips curved up in a pleased grimace before pulling closer to you.

- Once it's enough for now – he said smiling.

- Lee Hongbin... I love you... just you, no one else.

As soon as you finished the sentence, his hands moved to your cheeks and his lips met yours with impatient, eager movements but still being cautious of not being too aggressive that he might hurt you. His thumbs caressing the soft skin of your face as if it was the first time he had touched it for real.

Your hands slowly crawled up to his shoulders so you could steady yourself. He broke the kiss to catch a glimpse of you reddened face and allow you to take a breath before leaning closer to your ear, pulling you into his arms.

- I'm the happiest man alive right now – he whispered next to your ear – thank you.

You tried to find the words to describe your feelings but all that came out of your mouth were sobs. He looked at you overwhelmed, panic running on his face.