empty - brallon/// DISCONTINUED

B - anxiety

i came out to my parents by giving myself a bowl cut in 8th grade. i had a sign on my door that said *insert dead name*'s room. i spray painted over it and rewrote 'Brendon'. i know, i'm edgy. they accepted me. i love my parents.

now they're dealing with a trans and gay high schooler that can't stand his school because he's constantly being misgendered and deadnamed.
that's why we're moving. my parents are scared i'll kill myself or something.

i mean, i'm already killing myself with the smoking i do. trust me, i'm trying to quit for the sake of my mother but it's hard.

"Brenny?" my mom says softly, knocking on my door. "Yeah? Come in." i say. she comes in and smiles widely. "You look so handsome." i blush and groan. "Mom...please. I'm 17 now. This is embarrassing." i laugh softly. she smiles and hugs me. "You know I love you...I'm so proud of you." she had been telling me this since i decided to move schools. today we were officially moving into our new house. which means i start at my new school tomorrow.
_________
"Brendon!" i hear my mom yell from downstairs. i groan and get up, going downstairs. i hear my sister whine. "Ewww Brendon! Put on clothes!" she yells. i was in a t shirt and boxers. "No. Shut up. At least I'm not naked." i smirk. she gasps and frowns. "That's gross Bren. I'm gonna tell mom." she says, standing up. i stop her by grabbing her shoulder. "I swear to god if you go tell our mother I will personally cut off the heads of every single one of your stuffed animals." i mutter quietly. she swallows and sits back at the table. "Sorry Brendon." she whispers.

she's 13, almost 14. we get along pretty well. i would consider her my best friend (besides my mom), because she's my only friend. Natalie is pretty cool. i don't say it to her often but i love her.

my mom comes downstairs and throws my keys at me. "You're ungrounded." she smiles. i grin and catch them. "Thank you. I won't smoke in the car anymore. I promise." mom nods in approval and hugs me. "I love you Brendon Boyd." she whispers. "I love you too Mom...but I need to go." i say, moving away from her hug. she nods and waves as i leave for the driveway.

as i drive down our road, i see a tall skinny guy (who i assume goes to my school) that's staring at me. i wave and he just keeps staring as i drive off. weird.
__________
being a new student in your senior year is weird. all the little cliques and groups have already been formed. turns out, my weird neighbor has most of my classes with me. some girl saw me looking at him and leaned over and whispered, "Don't look at him. He's a fag. You don't wanna be a fag too, do you?" ah yes, the joys of Catholic school.

thankfully, there wasn't uniforms, only a super strict dress code. i could get away with my flannels and jeans. but band shirts that weren't Christian or Catholic bands were strictly prohibited.

ok, back to weird neighbor. i've caught him looking at me a ton today. does he think i'm cute? i think i look good today. i pass pretty well. especially since i've started binding.

my mom bought me a binder for my 14th birthday. i've been binding ever since. binding is nice. it's like having a constant shortage of breath yet a small little pinch of happiness. it's a reminder that everyday, i'm coming closer to my end goal. my end goal is to be a rarely dysphoric, gay man.
_____________
a/n
i hope y'all like this 😔