empty - brallon/// DISCONTINUED

B - thoughts

"Yes. Yes I would love to date you." i smile to Dallon. i have a boyfriend now. even though i've only known him for like a week i have a boyfriend.

Dallon and i lay in my bed holding hands and watching a movie together. i start to think about impossible stuff. like me getting pregnant. ha. that makes me laugh. why would i ever allow that to happen to myself? i hate kids and i hate the idea of being pregnant.

men don't get pregnant. if i ever wanted kids we'd adopt or get a surrogate (if my husband wanted biological kids that is). i would enjoy having biological kids as long as i didn't have to carry them.

but then there's the other side of me that wants to carry a child. i don't know why. i know how much dysphoria and self hate it will cause but i still want to carry a child. i know i'd be a mess by the end of the pregnancy but i just want the joy of being a father.

i want to be able to raise a baby from birth. i want to hold them and tickle them and hear their little giggles. i want to teach them to walk, read, talk, and so much more. maybe i don't hate kids.

i definitely don't want kids now. i don't want to be the 'trans guy that got pregnant at 17'. my mom would murder me if i got pregnant. and i don't necessarily want to have kids with Dallon, i don't think he likes kids. and also, my dad would kill any guy that got me pregnant.

Dallon might be a good dad. he's really nice and caring. he's just weird. he doesn't seem like that dad type. maybe he'll want kids in the future (if we stay together that long). but for right now, i think we're both ok with holding hands and kissing.