Broken // Zayn

Chapter Thirty Eight

38:

I made a loud groaning sound in the middle of a grocery store when I received another text from Harry. After I told them all to stop calling me, they found a little loophole and decided to text me excessively until I chose to answer. I wasn't planning on it for a couple more days so that I could calm down, but they need to understand that I don't want to speak to them anymore.

I went to my messages and saw that I had some from literally everyone on that tour. Well, they all were pretty mean to me when some of them didn't even know the story. None of them knew the truth until what? This morning?

I read a few of them, most of them irritating me. They were telling me that they do trust me and they care about me. They've told me this before yet there was a whole three weeks where they were basically bullying me. It's one thing to have a fight and to actually harass someone. I've been in small arguments before and they're harmless but this wasn't just a small argument. I really need at least a week to officially calm myself down and it's only been three nights since I last saw them.

I put the five guys in a group chat and began texting. Forgiving them would be too easy; it'd be letting them off the hook for what they did to me. They put me through a lot these past few weeks and don't deserve to be forgiven so quickly. I try to be a nice person in life and all I get in return are a bunch of imbeciles. I want to forgive them and go back to them but at the same time, I want to punch them in the face.

'Hey guys. I'm fine and safe, so you can stop asking me that, first of all. Where I am doesn't matter, but I'm okay. Second, I know you guys are trying really hard to get me to forgive you, but I'm unfortunately the type to hold a grudge, especially if you leave me physically a reason to. I'm not going to forgive you in three days for something you guys did to me for like three weeks. Third, I don't think you guys fully understand what you did to me and how it affected me, so I'll explain it to you. You spent two months with me, building up my trust and telling me all of this junk about love. Then in these last few weeks, you broke it, started calling me names, bullying me, for something I didn't even do. You know me well enough to know that I have never trusted anybody since I was like seven or even came close to loving anyone. For you guys to bring me so close to you and then cut me loose was a real jerk move. I allowed my mom and her husband abuse me and push me around for way too long and I'm learning how to stand up for myself. You let Perrie manipulate you all so easily when I told you that I didn't do anything. It really hurt having the five people that I like the most abusing me mentally. I don't know how much Perrie told you but I really tried to make things better between the two of us. She wanted me gone and apparently so did you guys. If you guys trusted me so much, why didn't you believe me when I told you specifically that I didn't do it? I'm happy that you guys know the truth but I don't just automatically forgive you. I would literally walk into a room full of people and know that none of them gave a flying duck about me or if my presence was there or not. These few days away had me thinking and I think that I need this time away from you all. I'm not sure if we were meant to be friends, but the whole celebrity life is not for me. I'll see you guys around. Thank you for the best two months that I've had in a while. I wish you guys the best of luck with your career and tours. Give it your all. xoxo :)'

I reread what I wrote twelve times before pushing down on the send button. It didn't take long for them to reply. Liam answered first.

'I am so sorry, love. I know it's very hard for you to trust people and we made it even worse. What we did was honestly disgusting. I'm mad at myself for it. I'm happy that we once took a place in your life where you could trust us, but I want you to know that I at least give a hundred thousand flying ducks about you. You're the best and I feel terrible for ruining things with you. I'm really sorry again, Holly. Love you.' he said.