A Couple Steps Back

Chapter 59

Third person pov

"Why the fuck ya'll here with Obito?" Naruto asked as soon as they'd gotten over the fact that Orochimaru, Sasuke and Obito were all sitting in the waiting room. It had taken a whole five minutes for Kakashi, Tsunade and Jiraiya to calm the hoard of gays. Even now they patrolled the crowd, making sure none slipped out and jumped Obito so they could rip off his dick. 

"Bet." The trio responded in sync as Naruto and Shikamaru gazed upon them with disappointment in their eyes. Hidan was still on the bed, aka their vehicle, comforting Shisui. Shisui, who looked more than a little distressed upon seeing his attacker. He clung to Hidan like the man was the answer to all his problems.

"Don't worry kid. I'll chop off his head before he touches you." Hidan didn't know what to say to make him feel better, so he just said whatever random shit that came to mind. It seemed to work. Especially that one remark about Shisui being as safe as a puppy in its mother's womb. That really seemed to calm the poor Uchiha down.

"With what?" Shisui sniffled. His arms were wrapped around Hidan's torso. Hidan had hesitantly put an arm over the teen's shoulder, really not sure what to do with himself at this point. He couldn't just shove Shisui off the bed, right? I mean, he guessed he could, but he'd almost been raped by Obito, who had been disguised as his cousin, who doubled as his best friend.

"...My fucking eyeballs." Hidan decided, earning a shocked and slightly-impressed gasp from Shisui, who gazed up at him with shining eyes. The Jashinist leaned away slightly. Great, now he looked a little too happy. Did that mean it was okay to push him off the bed now? Hidan hoped so because Shisui was about an ant's lengths away from crossing the line.

"Okay, at least Orochimaru has HIV." Shikamaru said. The young Nara looked tired, bags under his eyes. Even his hair seemed to droop. Obito, who was literally a homicidal maniac, couldn't help but wince at the boy's gaze. He needed some milk or something or he was going to like... die. Obito didn't know. He guessed the Nara would be done for anyway after this bet was over. 

"Why me?!" Orochimaru immediately became exasperated and annoyed, his brows furrowing and his lips downturning in protest. Sasuke let out a heavy sigh, and Naruto looked at Orochimaru like he was crazy. There was no way the sannin couldn't know why they thought him to have some form of HIV. It was pretty clear.

"We went over this." Sasuke shook his head.

"Dude, you lick everything. And you're a gay pedophile." Naruto said bluntly, earning nods from Obito, Sasuke and even Shikamaru. The Sannin seemed to deflate at the accusation. So cold. He thought maybe they were all friends now, but not even Sasuke had his six. Orochimaru knew who he was saving when the apocalypse finally hit. Himself. He could sacrifice all these other worthless brats to the fucking zombies while he went all Rick Grimes and hightailed it away-

Over near the front of the hospital, Jiraiya was being sexually harassed. "You're such a dad." One of the men dressed as a woman hummed. "Look at that ass. It's tight!" They slapped it, earning a yelp from Jiraiya. Kakashi wasn't even avoiding the attention. He seemed to soak it up like a sponge, in fact. More proof that he was indeed gay.

"Touch my boobs and I kill you." Tsunade said simply to the swarming LGBTQ members. "Hey, you over there in the wig. I see you trying to sneak out. Get your ass and your ten inch heels back over here." 

"So Kakashi-san, you're a ninja, yeah?" One of the men asked, grinning down at him. Kakashi stared up at him. He seemed hot enough, and Kakashi hadn't had sex since like... a few months before he died or something like that. It was whatever though. They were here to kill Obito. It was fine.

~

"Was your visit to Konoha... a success?" Chiyo asked Rasa and Gaara. Rasa looked oddly excited to be back. His new, cheery demeanor really wasn't liked by most of the council. That, and his new love towards Gaara was odd. Rasa had been the one insistent on using Gaara was a weapon, but he sure was treating him like a little boy.

"Yep! The Hokage loved the casserole." Rasa gave a thumbs up. "I even made friends!"

"With the council members present?" Ebizo questioned, his brows raising with question. Gaara pressed his lips together. Rasa had barely talked to any officials while in Konoha. In fact, he sent a majority of the time missing, his whereabouts unknown to the Hokage. But he was right. The Hokage had indeed enjoyed the casserole.

"Oh, no." Rasa frowned. "Orochimaru showed up, so we became friends with him. And this kid named Shikamaru. And their jinchuuriki, and the son of the heir of the Uchiha clan. We also met flash step Shisui, and Ibiki was there. He was cool while he was still Ibiki, but-"

Gaara kicked his father's leg. The things he had to deal with. This was ridiculous.