A Couple Steps Back

Chapter 66

I apologise for my absence. I'll try to ensure that it does not happen again.

I am also afraid this was written on my phone. Apologises for any typos or grammatical errors.

Third person pov

Kakashi wasn't really sure where he was at this point. There was no up, there was no down, but hey, at least he had his porn.

Everything was black. It was all dark, and if he tried prying his eyes from the pages of his raunchy book, he found himself oddly disoriented. He'd sort of... Zone out. As though looking at the endless space for too long would turn him into a human vegetable. Really, becoming the human equivalent of a cucumber wasn't on his to-do list at the moment. He'd have to consult his planner before deciding to let himself fall into a catatonic state from which he may never escape.

Kakashi took a moment to mull over his life choices as he read about Miko and her argument with her friend, Hirika. Their falling out was nothing short of tragic, much like Kakashi's overall existence. He hadn't accomplished much during his time on this Earth. Sure, he'd been sent back in time. Only he was knocked out immediately after, which gave his two most troublesome students the chance to fuck everything up. There was absolutely no reversing the damage they'd already done, so Kakashi had made a conscious decision to sit back and watch the past burn.

"Kakashi Hatake." A deep voice reverberated around him. It didn't come from any particular place or direction. It was just there. "I can see that you are displeased with the past your comrades have created."

"Maa, maa, it could be better." He shrugged. He was pretty content. Nobody too important was dead, and they'd gotten to Obito before he could try to put everyone in an eternal genjutsu. Of course, he probably would have been a little more discrete in changing the past to better the future. But he wasn't in a position to make complaints, so he wasn't going to. He'd keep his opinions to himself and do what he did best: accept the shit thrown at him and roll with it.

"Yes, I can sense your passionate distaste for what has happened." The voice noted. Kakashi raised an eyebrow. Yeah, no. "I'm here to give you a chance. A chance to go even farther back, and to-"

"Wait, who are you?" Kakashi realized. The Hatake could immediately tell he'd offended whoever the voice happened to belong to. He wasn't sure how, but he could feel it in the air despite the voice's apparent lack of a physical body.

"I'm God." The voice sounded absolutely taken aback.

"I've heard that one before." Kakashi snorted. The whole Pein attack felt as though it had been entire light-years ago. Still, Kakashi remembered every bit of it. His Sharingan, or perhaps it was better to call it Obito's, had been on and exposed the whole time, which led him to recall details he really wished he could forget. His inability to push memories of the smaller things from that day made for some pretty weird dreams.

"Kakashi, I am truly God. Kami! I've come to offer you another chance! A chance to go back, on your own, to when-"

"Maybe later." Kakashi flipped a page in his Icha Icha. He was almost to his favorite part. He heard 'God' sputter for air in a severely taken aback manner. The Hatake didn't acknowledge it. He'd gotten used to ignoring outright indignation from his students within about five minutes of meeting them. Doing the same with a disjointed voice really wasn't any harder

"I don't think you understand. You can stop it all before it starts! All you-"

"Quiet. Miko is about to confront her husband." Kakashi silenced. This only earned him more sputtering. More sputtering that he expertly ignored, of course.

~~~~

Obito had no idea pole dancing was so freeing. His anger had seemed to fade away, and he'd never felt so alive. The man with the long blonde hair had taught the Uchiha how to twist and bend in ways no human should be able to. He'd popped more joints than he could count. He was actually pretty sure he'd come close to snapping his spine in two the day before. Despite this all, he was still workin' it, twerkin' it, and showin' the ladies how it was done.

"Hips, honey. Use your hips." The man with the long blonde hair—No Obito had no idea what his name was. Yes he had asked.—clapped his hands together in a semi-encouraging manner. "You've got this. Yes, just like that. Yes, hunty. There you go!"

Obito was going to be rolling in cash by the end of the week.

~~~~

"Why the fuck are you doing that?" Hidan's eye twitched. They were still on the way to the Akatsuki hideout, wherever the fuck that happened to be at the moment, and Shisui was... well, being Shisui. The kid had grown on Hidan to an extent these past few days. And by 'an extent' he meant he'd decided he wouldn't be sacrificing the brat to Jashin. Yet. The teen was still the creepiest piece of shit Hidan had ever seen. And that was saying a lot considering the Jashinist saw himself in the mirror just about every time he decided to take a piss in an actual bathroom.

"Nothing." Shisui replied nonchalantly, which was a dirty fucking lie. And a bold on considering the fact that he'd intertwined his fingers with Hidan's. Yes, the Uchiha had grabbed his hand. And was holding it. Hidan had tried to yank away several times to no avail. If nothing else, the brat had an iron grip.

The Jashinist had never felt so awkward and tense in his entire life. He literally had no idea what to do. He was immortal, but no amount of time or experience could have prepared him for this. The kid was doing it like it was a normal thing. As though they did it all day long! Well fucking news flash, Hidan wasn't about to skip into the sunset singing kumbaya with a random kid with a horrible habit of staring.

"Can you let go?" Hidan asked irritably.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Okay, so maybe he'd be killing the kid sooner than before.

~~~~

"This isn't going to work." Shikamaru sighed heavily. Naruto ignored him, tacking up the lost pet sign before the Nara could stop him. Kakashi's face was very clearly plastered on the piece of paper. They had him listed as a cat in a dog suit, because the man was really far too aloof not to be some sort of feline.

"Don't be such a downer, Shikamaru. It's not my fault you have no sense." Naruto slapped another flyer down. This one was going to be tacked to a fence this time around.

"I have no sense? Have you met yourself?" Shikamaru asked in a flabbergasted tone.

"He has a point."

'And I don't remember asking yours. Jam it.',

"Spicey. Hit your man period again?" Kurama was met with silence. He sighed heavily. "I thought that may be the case. Kid, we're going to need a silver fork, a plastic cup, and a blender. Hop to it.

~~~~

"SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS!"

Itachi really hadn't expected to get into a drinking competition with his four-year-old brother and the rogue legendary sannin, Orochimaru. And he really hadn't expected it to be happening in a nursing home. And he really, really didn't expect Sasuke to be winning.

"I'm so fucking plastered." Orochimaru hiccuped.

"I'm at an advantage with one arm. Trust me." Sasuke tilted the small glass back, letting the potent alcohol burn down his throat.

"You forget I'm still here, brother." Itachi narrowed his eyes at the boy. The small Uchiha narrowed his back.

~

This book is quickly coming to a close. Would you like a book two, or would you prefer I wrap it up and leave it?