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Gold child,

lion boy;

tell me what it's like to conquer.

Fearless child,

Broken boy;

tell me what it's like to burn.

-oh darling, even rome fell//p.s.

***

I taste blood.

I taste and see it as he comes closer.

We both walk in our circle, no longer caring about the formalities of showing off.

Let it be over.

I'm pleading with my mind for him to give up.

I want him to give up.

He spits, red mixing with his saliva. Only a few punches thrown, a couple of well-placed pushes received, and already the world was spinning.

Probably for a different reason as I feel nausea come over me. I can't fight it. It will give him an opening, but my body convulses on its own as I vomit whatever food I had left.

Just as I had predicted, he comes in my moment of weakness, kicking my side. I choke, still heaving but unable to stop.

I hear Orion in the background. I push aside the noises he is making. He's no longer in skin. I can tell that much as the whimpers of pain sound out of him.

I spit on the ground, tasting the bile that I had become used to.

"Come on."

Mattock smiles, his grin of triumph growing with the shaky disposition I carry.

I hear the sounds of his growing shift, but he doesn't fully transform. Not yet. Not yet.

He is waiting for me. Maybe he wants it to be said that when he defeats me, it wasn't because he had an advantage. But little did he know.

"I want to see your face when I kill you."

He avoids my punch, stepping aside and laughing.

"Kill? We both know you don't have it in you."

He's right. I've never taken a life before and the idea unsettled me even now. There was a line that I could and shouldn't cross.

It shouldn't last long. Any minute now one of us would fall.

I try to push aside the thoughts of Orion. I should have prepared him for this. Maybe dad would take him- the Alpha's family would have to run. The new leader would not be so lenient.

Orion could go back to the wild.

He could become something free again.

A peace settles over me at the image of the tan wolf with his pack.

It's a distraction though.

I don't see Mattock and where his hit is going. I don't have time to move away from the blow as it lands squarely upon my stomach.

And then pain like no other hits me.

I scream, feeling something detach from my soul as if a knife had been dug into its roots.

No.

A painful howl comes behind us. It distracts Mattock. Enough so, that I have the opportunity to hit him, making him fall to the ground. We both are wrestling then. Claws coming out, partial shifts being done.

We are a wreckage of pain, blood, canines, and destruction. Monsters wanting to surface but settling on skin.

We push back, standing at a distance.

Can they see?

Can the pack see where my blood is coming from, where it drips on the ground- what part of my skin it collects? Mattocks' eyes are only focused on my face as red drips down his chin.

"I need this."

His words haunt me.

They are filled with such longing, such pure and raw desire. Not desire of greed. Desire of a dream yet unfulfilled.

"You don't need this. Give up. I'll let you live. I'll let all of your family live. You have my word."

He steps forward, caution in his eyes as he extends his bloody hand.

"You know my story. I have four brothers. The middle child, never to earn a leadership from my father. I have the same blood in me though- the same blood of leadership. I could even make you my Beta. Look at how sick you are now Soraya...is this really what you want?"

I look at his hand, the hand that is still extended out to me.

Slowly I move forward.

Hope fills his eyes. Hope that his words have reached the better part of me.

I feel the liquid stain my legs. I don't dare look down. I don't dare scream again from the pain that is slowly rising in my body.

My back is on fire. Fire is consuming me.

I am burning.

I take his hand and look up into those blue eyes. Those blue eyes that smile down at my own.

Those blue eyes don't look away, as I bring my other hand down upon his throat.

Shock resonates in him as a gurgled sound of surprise leaves his mouth. My hand is dripping in blood. It runs down my arm.

Where is the other blood coming from?

Don't look down. I refuse to look down at my body.

He falls to his knees.

I fall with him.

Together we still hold our hands of a broken promise as he tries to stop the bleeding. Tries and fails to regain the spirit of winning that he possessed a second ago.

"Do you have a mate?"

He stops at my question. I see tears form in his eyes. He nods, a painful groan issuing from him at the movement. Salt mixes with salt as tears flow to blood.

I bring him closer.

"Do you have a child?"

Something close to a sob comes out of him. A horrible gurgled noise of pain.

His body is shaking.

"Then it is only fair," I murmur to him, my voice low so that no one else can hear, "that we both never see our children."

In that moment we both look down. We both look down and see the wreckage of blood that stains the ground. I meet his eyes, watching as something leaves him. A look of horrid understanding still is hidden in those blue folds as I let go of his hand and watch his body fall.

 A look of horrid understanding still is hidden in those blue folds as I let go of his hand and watch his body fall

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