Love's Delusion || ✓

Chapter Thirty Five

- four months later - 

Third Person POV

He dressed up for today, he felt like he never to after missing out on the funeral. Gage felt like he was being disrespectful if he was anything but clean and pristine when he fully faced what he cowering from. 

Gage released a sharp breath, his hands shaky but were unnoticeable-- probably just the frosty air biting at his skin as he stood still, hovering over the gravestone of his loved one.  It was his first time seeing it, he just couldn't face going to the funeral knowing what happened-- knowing why it happened.

He blamed himself for her death, he didn't do enough to stop it. 

Gage could feel his tough-guy exterior almost shattering as he crouched down to the ground, his elbows leaning down on the top of his keeps as he steadied his gaze upon the gravestone. 

"Hey," He felt breathless as he spoke. He thought it was almost laughable that he was attempting to a grave, he didn't even know what to say-- you can't exactly ask it about their day, they won't respond obviously. "I don't exactly know how to start this, so bear with me yeah?" His voice was husky, but sore from his cold from only the other day. The pinching weather is a bitch sometimes.

I feel so stupid, he thought as he rubbed his face in frustration-- frustration towards himself. 

Why did he never visit before? Gage supposed it was due to the fact that he couldn't face the facts, he couldn't face the truth. How this brother was a killer and he couldn't do anything to stop it. And it ended up with him losing someone that he cared so much for.

"I'm sorry, you know for not showing up... That day." He couldn't even spit out the word, still, till this day, he couldn't bring himself to say it. "A man can only take so much, you know?" He let out a humourless chuckle, his question never going to get an answer. 

Gage was quick to sober up, clearing his throat as he looked down on the ground. He let out a tired sigh, not giving his suit a second thought before planting his bottom on the ground next to the gravestone, leaning his back on it lightly as he remained his visual focus on his hands. 

"I should have protected you more," To anyone else, it would look like he was talking to himself but he knew he who was talking to. He was talking to someone he could-- had-- called a best friend. "I should have seen it coming sooner, I should have been there faster." Gage felt his throat closing up slightly, despite himself promising himself he wouldn't get emotional-- he was defying himself already. 

"I was too slow." His voice cracked but he was quick to clear his throat, blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall from his moistened eyes. His tongue ran over his dry lips, mentally cursing the blistering weather, and himself for not bringing chapstick with him on his way out of the house. 

Gage was quick to realise he couldn't be anything but emotional as he sat next to the gravestone of someone he wasn't ready to say goodbye to. His body lightly shook, from the cold and the sadness that enveloped his being, his head falling down to his cupping hands as he felt a few tears escape his weak barrier. 

"God I'm so sorry," He mumbled through his fingers and the tears, pulling himself from his hands for a moment as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes tightly. "I know you wouldn't want to be crying like a bitch on your grave, you're probably laughing at me right now." Again, he let out another humourless chuckle. 

Gage opened his eyes for a moment, glancing to the gate where his car was placed. The young lady that had come with him had stepped out for a moment, leaning her back on the car as she watched the crying man from afar. Gage couldn't help but feel calmer by looking at the woman that leaned her body on his car as she waited for him.