DBH Memefics (And more)

Dating Practice: With Connor and Hank (And Traci)

Some more silly shite with our detectives. Warning: Will suck really bad.

Another cool afternoon in Detroit. While Hank was out getting drunk, Connor sat in the house, watching women workout videos that he had found in Hank's closet. He knew that human males are often intrigued by the sight of human females dancing or exercising. So as a major step towards becoming human, he would try to get just as intrigued too. He was determined to learn the ways of the human males. Then Hank comes in.

Hank: CONNOR! What have I told you about snooping through my stuff!?

Connor: I'm sorry lieutenant. But I needed these videos for practice.

Hank: Practicing what?!

Connor: The male behavior towards females. Its quite difficult though. According to my research, human males would spend hours watching females do cardio and muscular workouts.

Hank: Well, wherever you heard that, it was a lie.

Connor: -Tilts head confused- But sir, I've seen you do it  for 3 hours yesterday.

Hank: Uh...

Connor: And you tugging on an appendage by your crotch. What exactly was that? Shall I research that as well? (You didn't see anything boy! Erase it!)

Hank: NO! No, its nothing, just...-sighs- I think its time we've talked about the birds and the bees, son.

Connor: Birds? And bees? What's that supposed to mean sir?

Hank: I'm gonna teach you how to pick up chicks.

Hank sets down a crudely drawn map of Detroit, highlighting all the bars, parks and strip clubs in town. Connor studied the map eagerly.

Hank: Now, first step into picking up women, is to look in the right places. Places where the women are plentiful, energetic, and will give you a good time.

Connor: -Gasps- Yay! We're going to Disneyland!

Hank: -Face palms- Let's just try the park first.

Sumo: -Walks in happily-

Hank: No Sumo, this is father-son only.

Sumo: I WILL SHIT ON THE FLOOR! Take me outside please.

Hank and Connor take no time to ponder how Sumo is suddenly able to talk and just bring him with them.

-At park-

Sumo runs around with the other dogs while Hank and Connor gloss over the group of women chatting.

Hank: Now, first, you must let your presence and dominance be known. Like so. -Tosses a big condom over near the group of women.-

Woman 1: Oh my god! A rubber! -Screams-

Hank: -Strolls over and picks up condom- Oh excuse me ladies.~ I just dropped my magnum condom for my magnum dong.~

Woman 2: Eek! Pervert! I'll kick you in the b**ls!-Slaps Hank-

Woman 3: Go back to your home on perv island! -Slaps Hank- (Well damn.)

Hank: Gah! B**ch! I LOVE YOU! -Is slapped a dozen times more before he gives up and heads over to Connor-

Connor: -Shyly walks  over to women- I'm sorry ladies but um...-Fumbles with condom, trying to drop it- I have this magnum condom here..and..er..

Woman 1: Oh my god! An android!

Woman 2: Aw, so cute, he wants to use a magnum condom! -Huggles Connor-

Woman 3: HAVE MY CHILDREN! -Hugs Connor-

Connor: -Strolls back over to Hank- I'm sorry I couldn't do what you did Hank. I have failed. -Pouts-

Hank: -Is too bewildered to answer-

Sumo: You just got served.

-At bar-

Hank: Now, that was just a warm up. Now, let's get ready for the real stuff! Try to give them a compliment, and look bad while doing it. Chicks love bad boys. -Sits next to a woman- What's up girl? -Smirks-

Woman 1: Asswipe!

Hank: The f**k did you just say to me?

Woman 1: F**k up!

Woman 2: -Butts in- Ya heard!

Hank: LISTEN UP HERE YA FAT B**CH

Woman 1: WHO YA CALLIN FAT!? I'M AS SKINNY AS A PIN!

Woman 2: YA F**K HEAD!

Hank: YOU F**KING MUFFINS!

Woman 1: UGH! I'm outta here. -Leaves-

Woman 2: What she said! -Leaves as well-

Hank: Hey..-Follows them- wait a sec, COME BACK HERE YA FAT B**CHES!

Connor: -Approaches woman- They'll never find your body....

Woman 2: -Sweat drops nervously-

Connor: ...more stunning and beautiful than I do! -Smiles cutely- SPARKLES!

Woman 2: -Squeals in delight-

Hank: -Stares in disbelief- (Poor Hankie.)

Sumo: -Hops next to Hank with a snack bowl on his head for some reason- Where are my testicles Hank?

Hank: -Angrily snaps- UP YOUR ASS!

Sumo: -Whimpers and walks away-

-At strip club-

Connor: Why are we at Eden Club again?

Hank: Because this shall be the ultimate round! Now, here; we shall do more than just talk. We will show them our ultimate moves, chicks love men who can dance!

Connor: -Looks up dancing styles-

Hank: -Approaches android stripper- May I have this dance?

Android 1: How about no you f**king raisin.

Hank: WELL F**K YOU THEN YA F**K-WHISTLE!

Connor: -Approaches Traci- Hi there! May I interest you in a dance?

Traci: -Looks at Connor curiously-

Android 2: Don't do it Traci! He's got a magnum in his pocket!

Connor: -Stares innocently- ???

Traci: Oh, don't worry, anything is a dildo if your brave enough! (What is that even supposed to mean? O.o)

Android 2: -Sweat drops- That's not what I meant....

Connor: -Dances gracefully with Traci on the pole-

Traci 2: HEY YOU! GET AWAY FROM MY WOMAN!

Connor: Uh...sorry ms. -Sweat drops- What are you doing with that pipe?

-1 ass whooping later-

At the end of the day, they were both failures. However Hank was proud of Connor nonetheless. They sat down to watch more work out videos.

Hank: Now son, this is the part where you except failure and sulk in defeat. I'm heading to the bar to get drunker. Wanna come?

Connor: Oh, no thanks Hank. I'm gonna stay here and see who's number these belong to. -Starts dialing a girl's number he managed to get-

Hank: Oh ok....wait WHAT!?

-Extras-

Luther: -Answers phone- Hello? Wait...WHO THE HELL IS CONNOR? AND WHY DOES HE HAVE YOUR NUMBER!?

Kara: CAUSE HIS D**K IS MORE MAGNUM THAN YOURS B**CH!

THE END

I know, I know, it sucked. I think I'm experiencing what they call writer's block. -Le gasp- But no worries, I'll try to do better when my mind is reinvigorated. Bye bye for now amigos.