Eyes of Stone (Gaster!Sans x Reader)

47. I Fall Apart

In my dreams I was walking.

Well, it was more like blundering through the darkness, but I was still moving, trying to get somewhere that I didn't know the name of.

Fleeting voices surrounded me every other moment, like when you shout down a tunnel and your voice echoes over and over? That was all I could hear, the echoes of someone calling after me. 

I gazed upward to find splotches of light creeping through holes in the ceiling, like a tree canopy swaying to let in the sun. It seemed too far off for me to feel comforted by it though. Everything was moving in slow motion, but suddenly came into focus by the cry of somebody, a female voice calling through the darkness. It was muffled, like they had smothered their mouth with a blanket. 

I began to run, though it felt like running through treacle, pursuing something I didn't even know was there. Then I fell, plummeting towards Oblivion and waking with a start on my cold bedroom floor.

The floor felt like ice and my bones felt exhausted and sore, as if I had been running in my sleep. That wasn't too far off from the truth. I lifted my head, white pinpricks of my eyes focusing on the window before me. The light that slipped in flickered every now and then, hindered by the fall of rain outside. With a sigh I pulled myself up, only to collapse on the sofa beside me. It groaned in protest. 

With a quickly rising and falling chest I found myself staring at the window again. Rain had already gathered in little pools on the window sill, droplets scattered across the glass. I knew if I touched it it would be freezing. One step into Winter and we were already stooped in cold. 

I sighed, dropping my head back onto the sofa. So much had changed in the past near decade. With what meeting Y/n all those years ago, being so annoyed by her everyday and wanting to get rid of her. It made me laugh- now I could barely get by without her. 

By rule I tried to not think about that day, when I left her to deal with the fighter jet on that building. But, like Toriel said, I had to face the truth some day.

It happened so fast. I was taking down human after human, trying to keep Y/n in my field of view as bones erupted from my finger tips, shredding down the lives of those around me. I looked away for one damn second, trying to help Papyrus, and then it happened- the cacophonous roar of the missile exploding on contact. Everything was on fire after that and my soul was also in flames, searching through all that debris until I saw her. 

She had looked so broken on the ground, the impact making it so the dust and shrapnel flew out from beneath her as she met the ground. I could still feel her in my arms, right next to me but so far away. I remembered the way her eyes tried to focus on me but ultimately couldn't. She was in so much pain, I could see it written all over her. 

I didn't like crying usually, especially not in front of other people. I was meant to be a gang-boss but instead I was misty-eyed all the time instead of stone-eyed. It was better than being numb, I supposed. Even feeling something, even if it was overwhelming sadness, was better than a void.

After all this time, I managed to lose her.

"No you didn't."

I jumped, freezing as I stared around the room. I did hear it, I definitely heard it. Heard him.

I stood up slowly, approaching the window. Glancing out, I found the street to be empty, minus the growing puddles on the concrete. I turned back.

"Where..." My voice was croaky, soft. I felt weak.

"Soon. Have hope."

My soul leaped in my chest and I could feel its beat, hard and increasing in speed. 'Soon'? 'Have hope'? What the hell did that mean?

I peered through the shadows. It was dark in the room, like the sun had just shut off for a moment. An idea came into my head.

I lifted my right hand, still sooty from the work this morning. I felt a tug in my chest where my soul was and suddenly a ball of amber light began to grow in my palm, revealing the dust dancing about the room.

"Come out," I said, my voice slightly pleading. I glanced around again. Silence.

Then the sun came out again and the rain on the window glinted, throwing patterns across the floorboards with miniature rainbows. I sighed and the ball of light was extinguished. 

What was that? 

Well, I knew perfectly well who that was, but... Why? How?

I sank back down to the sofa, my heels in my eye sockets. I was going to need a break from all this mental and emotional work otherwise I might just crack.

As if you haven't already.

Looking across the room I spotted the blue cardboard packets and I felt my soul lift slightly. Depending on something as foul as cigarettes was not very pleasant for me, but luckily I didn't have lungs.

Soon enough, smoke was wafting into the air like a ghost. It haunted the air, dirtily grey against the white fog on the window.

Rain began to fall from the sky again, clouds gathering over the town. Droplets splattered the glass, the rhythmic patter almost as cathartic as the death-stick twirling in between my fingers. Thunder crackled overhead like the distant roar of some ancient beast, the rain getting heavier as the sun disappeared. 

"I think I'll write a book one day."

"Oh yeah?" She smiled. "What about?"

"Us. More you, I'm not very interesting," I said with a grin. She laughed, the sound like sunshine.

"Write about us then G, about our life together."

"You'll read it when I'm done?" She rolled her eyes, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Of course I'll read it, numb skull."

"Promise?" I held a pure white pinky out.

She gazed at me, her eyes suddenly no longer holding that jokey air.

"I promise."

Lightning made bright patterns across the sky, and I thought about how, when all is dark and loud, when the rain won't quit, there's still light. There's still something dancing with the shadows, its laughter louder than all else. If nothing else remains, the light does.

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He watched from afar, his cracked soul drooping as he watched his son stare out at the rain, sorrow painted on his tired face.

"Let your soul be mended, my son," Gaster murmured. Another brilliant zig-zag of lightning ruptured the grey sky, and a lost soul returned to earth.

"Have hope, my boy. Soon." Then, he disappeared.

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