New perspective (#1)

Chapter 28

Brendon's POV
It was 3am. I hadn't gotten a single second of sleep. All I could think of was Ryan. I wanted him so bad. I think I love that asshole. He's driving me crazy. I can't have him though and he made that clear.

I didn't want to feel anything. I wanted to be numb. No sadness, no pain.

And how could you make that happen?

Get drunk.

I may sound pathetic but if you love someone and they reject you it hurts a lot. I just need an escape from reality, even if it's just temporary. Being friends isn't gonna be enough for me. We were doing so well, goddamn!

He's playing with my emotions. The first second we're making out and the next he says he doesn't want me. I mean, I wouldn't want me either but damn, is this guy confused?! He can't make up his mind and it's fucking me up.

I think he made up his mind though. Yeah, he did. Maybe that's what making me angry. He finally made up his mind and I didn't like the results. It's not his fault for not wanting to be with me, it's mine. I'm the problem. I have to respect his decision.

But for now, I just want to let myself be the mess I am. I got out of the bed that Ryan had been in, cuddling with me, already after three days of knowing each other. Sure, things were moving forwards really quickly but that's what happens when you click with someone immediately.

I mean, perhaps we didn't. We kinda hated each other. Or did we? He may have hated me, but I never hated him. I liked him even the first second I laid my eyes on him. I never dared to admit that to myself before, but it's the truth and now it's said. To myself.

Calling him annoying was my way of flirting I guess. I'm not sure if he saw it that way. But fuck. Ryan's the devil but an angel at the same time.

I made sure to not wake Pete or Gerard up when I walked over to my drawer and grabbed a shirt and my black leather pants to put them on and sneak out. I quietly opened the door, not really caring if someone saw me. What was the point of caring? Did it ever do anything good to humanity?

I mean, probably.

But right now it didn't feel like it.

As I tiptoed down the hallway to the cafeteria I took a deep breath and instead of thinking about the consequences if I get caught, I just did it. I opened the door to the kitchen and hoped that some bottles of alcohol would be laying around because I sure as hell did not have the energy nor motivation to walk several miles to town and then back again for some alcohol.

I didn't bother turning the lights on since then the possibility of getting caught would be larger, so instead I used the lights from my phone screen. After accidentally bumping into a counter, the sink, the fridge and a table I finally found two bottles of red wine.

Someone would eventually find out that they've been stolen but they wouldn't know who did it.

My brain was screaming for alcohol while my body was screaming for rest.

I put my phone in my pocket and grabbed the two bottles of wine and pushed the kitchen door opened. I walked through the cafeteria quietly, trying to hurry so that I could pour the liquid into my body as soon as possibly.

Once again I didn't bother listening for footsteps. Instead I just kept walking, now heavily, until I reached the window I sat by when Ryan had acted all weird and Pete rambled about makeup and guys and being beautiful to Patrick.

I sat down by the window again and opened one of the bottles. I collided it with my lips and gulped several times before needing to take a breath, my lungs being desperate for more air.