New perspective (#1)

Chapter 47

Ryan's POV
I'm in the loud cafeteria and it's 7pm. Spencer dragged me here. He said, and I quote, "Get your bony ass out of that bed unless you want some dude to regret fucking you because of your bony fucking ass."

And I guess he has a point. Not the fucking part, but the part where he said "bony ass." Twice. I haven't eaten in about two days and I know that's the reason why I basically threw up an hour ago. It's crazy but that's what happens when you don't eat.

And now this stomach acid is killing my throat.

And my blood sugar is so low I can barely stand up without collapsing.

So I could either stay in bed and grief the loss of him, or I could get something to eat and feel better for a minute and then continue griefing the loss of him.

So I agreed to get something to eat. I honestly don't feel hungry at all though. But hopefully as soon as something fills my empty stomach I'll realise how hungry I actually am.

Spencer decided to grab the food for me since, well, like I said earlier, I can barely even stand up. So now I'm sitting here in the corner all alone since the others had already eaten, imagining Brendon sitting on the empty spot in front of me. Imagining him throwing that apple at me. Imagining me throwing it back at him when he was leaving and him flipping me off. Imagining how I went to his room in the middle of the night after that. Imagining his hot breaths mixing with mine. His body pressed against mine and-

"You like chicken and rice, right?" Spencer's voice brought me back to reality.

"Wha- not really." I shrugged. To be honest, I don't really like anything.

"Okay but you'll have to eat it anyway." Spencer sighed and motioned for me to move over so he could take a seat next to me.

"Fine." I mumbled, knowing if I argued about it he'd still make me eat it anyway in one way or another. Spencer's stubborn like that. Soft and sweet, but stubborn.

He handed me a glass of water and the plate with a chicken leg on it and a handful of rice. My stomach growled at the sight. I grabbed my glass of water and gulped it down, hoping it'd help with my dry mouth.

Suddenly I had a fork and knife in my hands and I was munching on cold rice and chewing some rubbery chicken. And even though it tasted like literal shit, it felt good to fill my stomach with food. I was feeling way better physically.

"I'm proud of you." Spencer smiled once I finished.

"You sound like a mum proud of their son for eating a vegetable." I said and gave him a lopsided grin.

"Well, I am." He furrowed his eyebrows as he grabbed his stuff to get ready to leave.

"Right." I laughed lightly and repeated his actions.

"Let's go, son." He patted my shoulder and looked all serious and-
and there. There. His eyes. He could never help but smile with his eyes whenever he tried to be dead serious about something weird or funny.

Just when I was about to leave the cafeteria with Spencer a group of about five people blocked our way.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I growled, glaring at all of them. They all looked to be a couple of years younger than us. I only recognized one of them, the one with black, shoulder lenght hair. His name's Ke... Kevin? No. Something less usual. Kelly? Jesus, he's a guy, Ryan, not a girl. Hang on... it's Kellin! Right. He shares dorm with Alex and Frank.

"Where do you think you're going, huh?" One of them spat in the most made up sassy voice I've ever heard. Yeah, right, keep on trynna play cool in front of your friends. He had red hair like Gerard, but it was short instead. His eyes were as dark as the night sky.

"We were going back to our dorm. Well, that was before you faces, and Kellin, blocked our way. So if you'll excuse us," I rolled my eyes and motioned for them to get out of our way.

They didn't.

"How did he know your name?" Someone whispered barely hearable to Kellin who's cheeks were dark red and his eyes were as big as Brendon's ass an-

Fuck.

Brendon.

I miss him.

"What are you gonna do in your dorm? Suck each other off?" The same redhaired douchebag sassed. He was almost becoming as sassy as Gerard. Almost. Is this douchebag Gerard's twin or what? All of his friends but Kellin laughed. No, all Kellin did was looking like an ashamed little piece of sh- puppy. Okay, honestly Kellin didn't do anything wrong. I just fucking miss Brendon. It's killing me. And these guys are obviously trying to make fun of me being gay because for some reason they found out. It doesn't help me with my anger.

"No. Now, fuck off because I'm not interested in knowing your fantasies about me sucking off another dude." I barked. This made Spencer almost lose his shit. He did everything he could to suppress his laughter so instead he just sounded like a dying frog which made him lose his shit even more. So eventually he just burst out laughing. Everyone stared at him. I grinned at him. He always finds the good in bad moments.

"No. We won't move. You're a fag." Redhaired douchebag scoffed.

"Move." I snapped.

"No. You don't belong here."

"I said, move!" I yelled, grabbing the kiddo's hem of his shirt by the neck, somehow lifting him from the ground with my nonexistent muscles and them slamming him against the wall next to us. He shrieked loudly. Everyone, including the people in the cafeteria, stared at us wide-eyed. If they think this was a scene, then oh boy, they're gonna pass out from what they're about to see.

I gathered all my rage into my fist and didn't even hesitate to punch his jaw. A loud thud was made and I'm not gonna lie, it hurt. But it must have hurt more for him. Blood and saliva literally flew out from his mouth, like in the movies. He looked shocked and terrified, like someone like me would never do something like that. But he doesn't know who I am, what I've been through, what I'm like, what I'm capable of. And neither do I. So I just continued to punch him over and over while he was screaming at me to stop, hitting the same spot until two teeth fell out of his mouth and his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed.

"You fucking asshole!" I screamed while tears welled up in my eyes. It stung. It burns. Everything's blurry.

Brendon.

"Ryan! Calm down!" Spencer yelled hysterically and grabbed my shoulders from behind, pulling me back. I'm surprised no one tried to stop me earlier. Maybe they all agree on that this is what he deserves.

"Brendon." I said quietly, letting myself collapse as well, falling into Spencer's arms. He let my head rest in his lap, my tears wettening his knees.

Because of him, I must've shed an ocean by now.