Spoken

Chapter 29

I ran towards my friends, because it has been a while since the last time we met. They’re standing in front of two cars, the ones that took us to my home, the place where my parents were murdered.

              “Hey, heard about what happened to your parents, we just want you to know that we are very sorry.” Patricia said.

Her tone is also different, normally she would her tone would show her sarcasm or whatever but this time, I know that she’s truly in deep sorry. It’s funny how one friend who used to be so sarcastic in everything could once be so sincere to you, who can show some condolence, could be so sorry for you, and yet, they’ve been through the goods and the bad with you and they never complained or anything, they are those who you could trust with anything, your deepest secrets because you know that they will never tell, because they have earned your trust, they are your true friend and no matter what, they will always stand by you. No matter how hard the situation is, they will strive with you, striving to find a better place for you and for them. And yet there’s another type of friend, who walks with you when it’s sunny but leaves you alone in the rain. They don’t deserve anything, they don’t deserve a spot in your life, because nowadays, they would say cool, when they wanted to say, I don’t really care; awesome when it’s sick, and I love you when it doesn’t really mean a thing. They don’t deserve to be thought about because thinking of them would be just a waste of time and would just bring you heartbreak. They’re nothing but rubbish. All we need to do is just tear them down to pieces then throw them to the rubbish bin, where they truly belong.

I was caught up to that thought that causes me to cry. I’m breaking down to pieces and I feel that nothing in this world that is strong enough to hold me in position. And there’s nothing that I could do. I couldn’t hold back the tears, I drop to my knees, and cover my face with my hands, and tears begin to fall out as I thought about my parents. The time that we share together. The love that they gave to me, is love that have saved me through the uncertainty, their strength is what made me strong, and without them I feel helpless, I feel like I’m still a little girl, so little that I’m still helpless, no strength in fighting through the worst moment of my life. I just didn’t know what to do. Then the worst thing happens, which I thought would never happen again to me, I let out a big scream followed with tears. I never done that since I was five. At that time I fell from my bike and broke my arm, then I said to myself that I will never ever cry like that again in my life, and I never did, until now.  

People might think that crying shows how weak you are. Parents limit their kids on crying so that people won’t take their kids for granted. But no, now I realize why my parent never told me not to cry. Because now I realize that crying isn’t anything about weakness, it isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long. And it’s time that you break down and cry. And when you’re done, it’s time to stand up and move on.

Languidly, Adam walks to me, I’m no longer crying but I couldn’t move even a bit. I was still in so much shock, and I still can’t face the fact that both of my parents who have been there supporting me are now gone for good.

He wraps his arms around me and I remove my hands from my face, He gently presses his lips to my cheek and whispers something to me; something that I’ve heard before, “Be strong.” His words hit me right on the heart, making it rage with fire. At one point I remember how the bullet missed my head by an inch, hitting my mom right in the head, killing her. I remember how vicious, how cold the killer’s eyes are. I want her dead, I want who killed my mom dead, I want who killed my loved ones dead. Real dead, and it has got to be me who should kill them. But no, I couldn’t do that. Somehow I’ve lost the spirit to be strong, the spirit of wanting to be free. I lost the spirit of fighting back. And I feel dead, and I want to be dead.